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When I graduated from college a few years back, I wasn’t very eager to enter what my fanatic Amway promoting, pyramid - scheme - pitching high school math teacher used to call the “40-40 club”—forty hours a week for the next forty years (he even showed up at a party and tried to lure us into his cabal when we were stoned). But I didn’t want to desperately persuade everyone I know into joining a shady pyramid scheme - after all, that’s exactly what threw the entire country of Albania into economic chaos a few years ago. Plus, I was tired of fending off questions about my future from my parents during their routine Sunday evening phone calls. I needed a direction.

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I: So how do you look and act Un-American?

 There are enough Yankees living in Prague to make up a medium-sized town. It’s always easy to spot an American when traveling abroad, but the “yappies” (Young Americans in Prague), as they are cynically called, have a completely different, yet equally conspicuous look. Rather than perpetuate the stereotype of the over-weight mid-westerner or the Tiva sandals and Khaki shorts-wearing college student, the yappies have a more sophisticated mien of black leather shoes, black trousers, and black turtle neck (in winter, add a long black coat and possibly a black scarf). 

 There are even cafes where, dressed in a yappie uniform, one could sip cappuccino (or if you want to really look cool, Absinthe) and write bad poetry. I enjoyed intensely staring up at a corner of the ceiling, pretending to ponder the meaning of my Kafkaesque existence and actually listen to other yappies, donned in their yappie uniforms, discuss the influence of Paris on the writings of Henry Miller and Ernest Hemmingway. After enough of these experiences, I actually began to wonder if my own reality was part of some yappie’s novel. If so, I sort of wished he’d stop writing—or at least stop assuming that Prague was the “Left Bank of the 90s.” 
 

So how do you or I look and act un-American? Well, I’m not really the bossy type, but I can certainly offer a few tips on what NOT to do—that is, unless you want people to assume you are a loud-talking, McDonald’s-chomping, over-eating, too-much-bad-TV-watching, my-country-is-the-center-of-the-universe-thinking, type of person. Here are some general rules for the short-term traveler in Prague: Do not use “Let’s Go Europe.” I don’t care if all your friends in class said that it’s cool. If you don’t take my advice, you’ll end up in the same restaurants and pubs with the thousands of other Americans who are “doing” Europe. Besides, why would you take the advice of a bunch of elitist Harvard brats? Don’t talk loud—anywhere at anytime. In fact, whisper. Leave the loud banter to the Italians; it sounds nicer. A classic example of the association between loud talking and Americans comes from, of all people, a Canadian. This

~ Books About Prague ~ . Frommers Prague and the Best of the Czech Republic (Frommer's Prague and the Best of the Czech Republic, 3rd Ed) by John Mastrini   Lonely Planet Prague (Prague, 4th Ed) by John King, Neil Wilson, Richard Nebesky  Insight Guide Prague by Cameron Duffy  . Find Books On: .. .

person, whom I will not reveal (though we share the same first name), had an annoying tendency to LOUDLY dominate every conversation. It  wasn’t  until he’d get really drunk and sound off about his allegiance to Canada and some rather obscure Scottish heritage of his that people learned he wasn’t a Yank.

Do learn at least a few phrases in Czech. I had a friend visit me last summer whom, when she needed assistance, would walk up to anyone on the street or in the shop and ask them a complex question in English. Not only is just down-right idiotic, but also self-centered and presumptuous. Here are a few phrases that may help you get by a little easier:
 

• “Mluvite Anglicky?” = Do you speak English?
• “Jeste jedno pivo, prosim” = I’ll have another beer please.
• “Chces se vratit ke mne, aby si se povidala na moji zbirku znamek?” Do you want to come back to my place to see my stamp collection”
• “Kouse tvoje opice?” Does your monkey bite? 

Do take my advice on fashion. I’m certainly no Mr. Blackwell (thank God!), but it is crucial not to wear the “Let’s Go” or “yappie” uniform. Also, don’t expect to look cool if you’re wearing a “Prague: Czech it out” shirt. If you think you’ll charm in this shirt, you’d be better off wearing blousy, white “swashbuckler” shirt.

II: Places to see

Being in Prague is like another reality—in both time and space. Traveling from the city center, with its fairy-tale concoction of labyrinthine cobble-stoned Gothic and Baroque streets to the outskirts which consist of ubiquitously placed nightmarish communist-made concrete block apartment buildings, Prague is a fascinating microcosm of the last 1000 years of European history.

  Being a freelance English teacher and traveling to every corner of Prague—sometimes criss-crossing the city several times in one day—I became a regular visitor of the many realities of the Czech capital. For the visitor, the best way to do this is to hop on tram #22. This tram not only slithers through Prague’s tiny historic streets, but will drop you off in the land of failed utopian socialism: the "panelak". These are the gray concrete block apartment buildings that were hastily constructed under the previous regime. For the real travelers, this is the Prague to Czech out. However, I still advise against wearing the shirt. 

 In Prague, there is no reason to run around to specific sites, quickly have your friend take a picture of you in front of it, confer with you map, and move on to the next. If your proclivity is confined to the historic, touristy center, the best thing to do is just get yourself lost. Like Venice and Amsterdam, it is the city itself that is the attraction. So indulge in it. Walk slowly. Put your map back in your bag. 

 Inevitably though, you’ll find yourself being whisked in certain directions by the stream of people going from Old Town Square to the beautifully gothic Charles Bridge, and up to the castle. During the day, it’s hard not to feel like cattle. My best advice is to go at night or early in the morning. This way you can avoid bumping into liquered-up, picture-taking German tourists. Take it from me, it’s not much fun to be yelled at in German. Furthermore, the view of Prague castle is absolutely the best site in Europe. The last time the Rolling Stones came through town, after having a few brewskis with their friend President Vaclav Havel, the group donated their entire tour lighting set to help illuminate the castle better. Now, the structure that inspired Franz Kafka’s “The Castle,” appears to float in the nighttime air. 

III: Places to eat

 The Prague dining experience mimics the early German notion of life after death: Valhalla, the great beer/meat hall in the sky. Although Czech cuisine is very tasty, it is generally used to compliment the beer; not the other way around. Besides, people don’t usually come to Prague for the food, but sitting in pub and gobbling down some meat and dumplings whilst washing down a beer or three is an essential part of your Czech experience. Considered the best in the world, Czech beer, or as the locals sometimes refer to it, “liquid bread,” is consumed in unbelievable quantities. 

 Although you can pop into just about any pub, here are a few in the center that I particularly enjoy. These pubs are the real thing. Stay away from the “authentic” pubs on Karlova street between Old Town Square and Charles Bridge. 

Radegast Pub, Templova 2, Prague 1: Old Town. Mozart is said to have washed down his goulash and dumplings with a few a beers in this dimly lit pub a few blocks from Old Town square. Be patient: the waiters seem to enjoy sitting around drinking and smoking as much as the patrons do. 

U Medvidku, Na Perstyne 7, Prague 1: Old Town. Just a block down from the large Tesco department store (formerly K-Mart), this large beer hall serves the original Budweiser. A polka band playing from a large hay wagon in the center of the hall helps make this a festive drinking environment. 

 If meat and kraut is not your schtick and you prefer something a bit less artery-hardening, check out these places for the best of Prague’s nouveau cuisine:

Govinda, Soukenicka 27, Prague 2: New Town. A savior for vegetarians, this self-service, all-you-can-eat, vegetarian restaurant, is run by happy Hare Krishnas. Make sure you give the suggested donation of about 2 bucks. I accidentally paid about fifty cents less once and the Krishna went from smiley to vicious in seven seconds. 

Radost FX, Belohradska 120, Prague 2: Vinohrady. A Prague expat institution, is worth putting up with the ultra-hipster attittude of the employees and patrons just to eat here. The weekend brunch is divine. Radost (which means “joy” in Czech) also serves as a lounge and fashionable club. 

Universal, V Jircharich 6 Prague 2: New Town. A very bright spot in the Prague culinary scene, Universal serves up the best tasting and looking salads this side of the Danube. Afterwards, stroll down the street and have a cosmo at the Red Room.

IV: Places to stay

 The notion of Prague being a budget-watchers dream doesn’t apply to accommodation. Hotel prices now rival Paris and London. If you’re not accosted at the train station by someone pitching you for a private room, the best option is to stay in one of the many hostels which exist near the city center. 

 Here’s a list of some of the more interesting hostels to stay at:

The Clown and the Bard, Borivojna 102, Prague 3: Zizkov, Tram #9. In a great working-class neighborhood, this hostel is a short hike from the main train station. It’s cheap, laid-back, and friendly. There’s always something going on at the pub downstairs. Be sure to check in by 7 pm. 

Hostel Sokol, Ujezd 40, Prague 1: Mala Strana, Trams # 12, 22. It’s easy to get lost in this rather large sports center. But the price is right and the location is great. Drink beer on the terrace and then walk up Petrin Hill toward the mini Eiffel Tower to get a great view of the city. 

Club Habitat, Na Zborenci 10, Prague 2, New Town, Metro: Karlovo Namesti. One of the friendlier hostels in town. Cheap and near the center, you can relax in the 14th century courtyard. All proceeds help support Czech children’s charities.

V Places to charm cute people.

 The Prague party scene is a movable feast. When the sun disappears behind Prague castle, local hipsters and young tourists from around the world converge on the center of Prague, transforming it into a massive playground for the drunk and romantically inclined. It’s not uncommon to walk down a street in Old Town and see either someone vomitting in an alley, a few drunkards pissing on a parked van, or a young couple sucking each other’s lips off. Or all of the above. The pubs and clubs are full and teaming with energy.  In this atmosphere, even an over-weight, hairy-back-and-shouldered, stuttering midget from Minneapolis should find a “mate” by the end of the party.

 I’ve lost count how many people I’ve met through the years who, after a few nights of partying in Prague, decided to extend their stay from 6 days to 6 months. In this way, Prague is very much the way Kafka described it: a mother with claws.  Although the pubs and clubs in the center of Prague are changing faster than a Czech laborer can pound his first lunchtime pint, a large handful of “veterans” perservere through the relatively stable, yet unpredictable Czech economy. Here is a list of my favorites:

Cheapeau Rouge, Jakubska 2, Prague 1: Old Town. As much as I hate the city’s #1 meat market, I always end up there at the end of the night. Tucked just behind Old Town Square and the gothic Tyn church, this pub is packed till the wee hours of the morning, even spilling out onto the cobble-stoned street. 

U Krale Jiriho, Liliova 10, Prague 1: Old Town. When you finally find this place after wandering the winding streets of Old Town, you’ll be delighted. It’s the cheapest and friendliest in this part of town. Situated in a medieval cellar below the yuppified James Joyce pub, young Czechs and a few expats drink cheap, but tasty beer while classic rock blares from the stereo. The long wooden tables make meeting people easy. The last time I was here, a group of young Czechs (both male and female) asked me if I wanted to “come home” with them. Yikes! 

St Nicholas Café, Trziste 10, Prague 1: Mala Strana. An atmospheric cellar near the American embassy. Chic, yet comfortable. Sampling the Velvet beer here is essential. 

Marquis de Sade, Templova 8, Prague 1: Old Town.  High ceilings and cool music make this pub/café a nice stop on your drinking tour. This is a great place to finally try the famed Absinthe. 
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