August 2007
Well…and as the saying goes…”time marches on”…

By the time this article gets published and is received into the realm of your computer I will most likely have less than two months left until my entry into the expat life.  I’ve noticed that my memories are starting to merge with my research in such a way that I feel I know Thailand better than I could or for that matter should. The really good and fun part of all this is yet to come.  By then both I and you (my audience) will see if my memories served all of us correctly.

I have tried to relay information in a very carefree informal format and will continue to do so. That said…caution…you’re entering an alien society.

East vs. West – Although the winds of change are bringing a goodly portion of the Thai society into the 21st Century…some things are so deeply instilled into the Thai mindset that it may never fully morph itself to the next level (whatever that might prove itself to be). 

To the Western eye, things sometimes seem to be just the opposite of what we in the west deem as normal behavior. With that in mind,  if you happen to be on a bus, don’t be surprised if you see an adult give up a seat to a small child (as opposed to the western dogma that a child give up a seat to an adult).  The majority of Thai children (with the exception of the darker side of Thai life) are pampered from the very beginning years of  life. This is starting to change in the larger and more modern population centers.  However, when it concerns the rural areas of the country, change of any type, comes very, very slowly if at all.

“I’ll meet you at 9 am”.  This still confuses me a great deal, but what we need to understand is that the Thai time of day (notice I didn’t mention clock) is divided into four - six hour segments.  That said, in a Thai’s way of thinking your statement would indicate to him/her that you will meet them at 3am.  Just a bit confusing, wouldn’t you say?

However, all is not lost - as modern Thai’s do utilize military time and/or  eurpopean/24 hour time frames.  So, instead of being the cause of a problem and being sorry or upset, be safe and use the military/ european/24 hour way of telling time.  Eventually, and after we’re all happily living our lives in Thailand, we may actually get used to this system (then again…maybe not).

While we’re on the subject of differences, let’s take a peek into the simple act of 
EATING …

In LOS (Land of Smiles) one holds the spoon (chorn) in the Right Hand (also eats with the Right Hand) while the fork (sorm) is held in the Left Hand and is used as a sort of shovel, wherein the fork pushes the food onto the spoon.  I know that this sounds elementary and quite foreign, but actually there is solid health reasoning behind all this.  You see for many centuries (and this continues today, especially anywhere outside modernized cities) the Left Hand is used for cleaning oneself after completing one’s private - hygienic business.  Understandably the Left Hand is considered unclean.  So remember (‘cause it’s easy to forget) the fork (left hand) pushes the food onto the spoon (right hand) which then delivers the food into the mouth.  Simple! 

You might also notice the glaring absence of any knives on the table.  The Thai’s see no need for knives at all as the food is pre-cut into small edible pieces during the preparation of the meal(s).  Now, don’t ask me why but I once thought that all Asian countries utilized “chop sticks”(dta-gee-up).  Surprise, not so in Thailand. Well, that’s almost true.

You see chopsticks are used, but only when eating noodles or if you’re eating Chinese food.  Now (and this is beyond me) as a Westerner, who after about twenty or so years of trying to master the art of eating with chopsticks.  I realize that noodles are probably the most difficult food to eat with this utensil.  So, the dazzling question that I personally have is…why?  (I really don’t expect an answer).

Question: Which is the correct spelling?  
Sawatdee, Sawusdee, Sawadee, Sawutdee Sawasdee
 Answer: none of them…and all of them

From what I’ve been able to learn about this phenomenon - it’s that there is no exact way to “translate” words like (the above) hello and/or good-bye (or for that matter, just about any word).  What you are seeing is affectionately known as “transliteration”.  In other words because of a lack of an accepted and committed government or scholarly translation everyone is left with a “best guess” scenario.  In short, when it comes down to writing, we’re using what some might call a “translation” of the Thai language into English where the best or closest written word fits the meaning of the Thai word. . According to my friends at Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition for transliterate is as follows: “to represent or spell in the characters of another alphabet."

Confused? I assure you, you are definitely not alone!

“Be-Ah”?
Part of my tour of Thailand included a river-rafting ride down the Ping River, which took place after an hour long stint of riding upon the back of an elephant. (Now keep in mind this was in the latter part of Nov – beginning of Dec as in the ”cool season”).  It was a beautiful day - sun shining brightly, green jungle-like forests almost completely engulfing us , soaking in the stunning sun’s rays. And it was HOT!  We coasted down the Ping River reveling in Mother Nature’s magnificence upon a Long-Bamboo polled raft, which was controlled by two river-rafters (pole-men?). 

One steered from the rear as the other poled us forward from the bow of the raft (which for all you landlubbers would be the front).  Now as best as I can remember the raft measured about 3 to 4 feet wide and probably 20 to 25 feet long.  We sat on a wooden bench, two abreast on this long bamboo poled raft (four persons per raft) while the “pole-men” with help from the river,  propelled us forward.  After a while and in the far-off distance we heard {repeatedly} and just a bit over a whisper the word Be-Ah (???). Well since our raft men failed to even look around we figured there was nothing to be concerned about.  I then heard it again, but a little louder and then in the distance I saw something in the water, disappearing and re-appearing…disappearing and re-appearing.  As we came closer (and Be-Ah got louder) I saw to my astonishment a man’s head  and something rectangular and white bobbing up and down in the water and - he was selling BEER! 

The reason he was bobbing up and down was because he was doing a kind of “jumping walk” to keep his head above water (the river is about 4 or 5 ft deep – but keep in mind the Thai’ are not tall people).

So, just to be polite (also because we were " baking” on the water) I bought  a Be-Ah…and it definitely hit the spot.  Incidentally, while I’m on the subject of beer -
here’s a tidbit that I thought you might find both interesting and amusing;  Thai’s do not, I repeat do not consider beer as part the alcohol family! I couldn’t resist supplying you with that earth-shaking info.

Now, about those elephants...

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that me, a guy from Brooklyn, New York would be telling everyone about my riding on top of an elephant.  That alone still boggles my mind.  And just so there’s no misunderstanding, I was sitting on a wooden sort of bench that was strapped (securely?) to the elephant.  As for my own personal safety, I had this loose kind of seat belt (really a strap) that probably would have done nothing if I indeed needed it to protect me.  The elephant wasn’t one of those huge African Elephants but was of the Asian/Indian persuasion, which in plain English means they only stood about 8 feet tall (instead of the African’s 12 foot tall).

Let me tell you though, when you’re sitting on top of a pachyderm, and you’re on a very steep precipice of a jungle trail that has a good 10-20 foot drop (at least at the time that’s what it looked like to me) and he’s rocking back and forth because he decided it was time to “do his business” let’s just say it ain’t a real comfortable feeling.  But then again, I was on a tour in Thailand and how could I not take advantage of an experience such as this.  Seriously, I recommend it highly because it is such a different experience.

Fruits
You may or may not have heard of some of these fruits.   And unless you’ve visited Thailand I’d say it’s safe to assume that you have not heard of at the very least some of these fruits. You’ll undoubtedly notice that some fruits have a transliteration.  Unfortunately I cannot relay to you the proper pronunciation but this will at least give you an idea of the equivalent Thai names.  In any event the following represents just a taste (excuse the pun) of the many fruits available in Thailand.

Mangosteens (mang-kook), Guavas (fa-rang), Mangoes (ma-moo-ung), Jackfruits (ka-nOOn), Rambutans (ngor), Pomelos (som oh) and the famous (or infamous – depending on your tastes and point of view) Durians (tOO-ree-un). 
Other more familiar fruits would be pineapple (sap-bpa-rot), watermelon (dtaeng moh), papaya (ma-la-gor), bananas (goo-ay), and coconut (ma-prao).
I for one have tried some of these delicious (a-roy) delicacies. A few, well, let’s just say I haven’t yet worked up enough nerve, but that day will come and when it does I will surely give you an update.  Here’s just a bit of a an overview:

Mangosteens  (no relation to mangoes) are also known as the king of Thai fruits. Once opened they reveal a white-tinted, but mouth watering tasty fruit.

Guavas; a somewhat sour fruit that really should be accompanied by something sweet. In appearance this fruit resembles an apple.

Jackfruits; the biggest fruit (excluding watermelon) that I’ve personally seen. It has a tangy, sticky flesh (I’ve not tried this one yet)

Rambutans; think bright red delicious strawberries but with a lot of hair (just get past the hair and enjoy the sweetness)

Pomelo; similar to grapefruit but somewhat sweet

Longans: a small fruit with a succulent fleshy meat

Durians; grab an old “clothespin” and put it on your nose, then proceed to enjoy the fruit.  I’m not kidding you about this.  In fact many “better hotels” have restricted entry of the Durian into their hotel(s).  That is how strong the (offensive?) odor can be.  Yet the Thai’s consider the Durian as one of their favorites.  I’ve been told this comes under the strict heading of “acquired taste”.

The “WAI”….Hello…good-bye and Thank you
Most westerners consider the Wai as “part or all of a greeting”. In most cases this is far from the truth - .a Wai is a sign of respect, which is why generally the younger will initiate the Wai to the older person (or a person of higher station).  It should be noted that like many things in Thailand the Wai seems to be morphing into an actual greeting.  Only time will tell. 

Not unlike our handshake,  the Wai is said to have evolved, when in ancient times it showed that neither party had any weapons in hand and presented themselves not as a foe - but a friend.  Now anywhere in the western world… when addressing someone whom you’re not close with you would more than likely say Mr/Mrs/Miss in front of their last name, as in Mr. Smith.  And of course this being Thailand a proper greeting in the same circumstance would be Khun followed by the person's “first” name. 

Keep in mind that “Khun” is used for Mr., Mrs. or Miss (ie most adults) and like I just mentioned, always in front of the persons first name ie: Khun Robert or more precisely as spoken by Thais - Khun Laabeh (the “l & t” would either be changed and/or is silent) as Thai’s have a problem with the “R” sound and is usually replaced by an “L”, while the last consonant is usually silent.  Do not be surprised to hear MISATEH (Mister) Laabeh in place of Khun as this is also acceptable. Speaking of things acceptable: if you don’t know someone’s name there is nothing wrong with just saying Khun!

It should be noted that the use of surnames did not even exist in Thailand until 1913.  This fundamental change was brought to fruition through a decree by the then reigning King Rama VI .  Apparently the King was inspired by his recent trip to England and liked the idea and proclaimed that all Thai’s will have a proper last name.

A Few Ideas…Tips…etc…
Like most Americans and many Europeans, we’ve been taught to be polite.  This to the point that many of us will say thank you to just about anyone for just about anything.  On a personal note: I’ve actually caught myself saying thank you to the checkout girl in the supermarket after  I gave her my hard earned money (how’s that for ridiculous?).  Now I’m bringing this up for a good reason, which is…Do Not Do This In Thailand.  The Thai concept is easy but for most of us it’ll just take some getting used to, not to mention time.  You can thank people as much as you like just don’t “verbally” thank someone who is only doing their job.  In other words, Do Not Thank…the Doorman...the Maid…the Bank Teller…a laborer as in the plumber… electrician… servant… hotel clerk.  I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. All that is needed (and appreciated) is a polite nod of your head along with the ever-present and welcomed “smile”. 

A mixed bag of ideas and suggestions…
Start going (frequently) to your favorite Thai Restaurant in your hometown and explain you are moving to Thailand and you want to try different dishes.  They should make it spicier (hotter) over time so that when you finally arrive in-country your taste buds will have acclimatized and you’ll be able to happily enjoy anything you decide to try.  But do be careful as the Thai’s meaning of HOT and your understanding of HOT are two entirely different things.

Remember back when you learned to drive (and is ongoing today)…”you where taught and hopefully understood that you need “8 eyes” while driving?.  Well in Thailand change that understanding to “360 degree VISUAL AWARENESS on RED ALERT”…as Thai drivers tend to do whatever pleases them on the spur of the moment.

Thai’s, unlike Italians, French and many Americans do not “talk” with their hands.  In reality it will actually confuse the THAI people and make it even more difficult for you to be understood.  Remember, the Thai’s total communication package includes not only speech but the reading of body language, facial expressions and actually listening to what is being said.  Not included in this package is “hand talk”.  Personally I haven’t yet run into this situation but fully expect to once I’m finally settled in Chiang Mai.  Rest assured that there will be more information on this tidbit in future articles.
 
One thing I learned very quickly on my previous trip to LOS was the American (western) habit of pointing…DON’T!  It’s considered quite rude.  It is also rude to summon someone (i.e. a waiter) by raising one’s fingers in then air (as in)  beckoning him/her.  The correct way to get their attention would be to beckon them with your palm facing down and waving your fingers rapidly toward yourself (in other words just about the reverse (opposite) of how you would do this at home).  Or play it safe (try this) just look at the waiter possibly raising an eyebrow (you’d be surprised).  Whatever you do…Please Do Not…”Hiss” at them or “Snap” Your Fingers as this would be very uncouth!

Superstitions:
GOOD things come in 3’s according to Thai beliefs.  As you most likely are aware many numbers are divisible by 3 ie 6, 9 etc.  In Thai terms this means that not only is three a very good (lucky?) number but additionally any number divisible by three is a good number.  And if something important needs to be planned then it should definitely be planned to occur on a date in which the dates number is divisible by three.  Like maybe the 30th of the month!
 
Notice again how this seems to be the complete opposite of western beliefs in which Bad things such as death(s) comes in 3’s.  While we’re on the subject of death what better way to segway into colors as in this case of - black and white:
Thais believe that both black and white are associated with death.  There is however an exception, wearing black on Sunday.  If you happen to wear “black” on Sunday it’s supposed to bring good luck. (try to figure that one out).

Maps
Personally, I’m the type of guy who likes to know where I’m going.  Soone of the first things I do is take a look at the areas map i.ecity, town, whatever. 
I do this just to get a little “prior” feel of the place.  Where? you ask, am I going with this?  First let me say that while I was in Thailand (as you already know I was part of a tour) I had no need for maps.  I did however take a look at maps just for general knowledge.  That said, having the benefit of hindsight and leisurely looking back at my time in Thailand I can tell you this. By all means (if you feel a need for it) check out some maps and you’ll undoubtedly discover (as I did) that the maps aren’t really worth that much.  At best they are inconsistent, at worst, useless. 

I’ve literally run across maps – and this was for a specific “Serviced Apartment” in a specific “part of” Chiang Mai – where the professionally glossy map was, and I kid you not, ”upside down, inside out…and backwards”.  Now don’t get me wrong, even if the map is missing a few streets, lanes (soi's) etc, it can still give you a general overview of the area. I t’ll just take some (possibly considerable) time and energy to find where you are, with respect to where you want and hope to go to.  Bottom line - it’s better than nothing.  Just don’t expect to hold a map in your hands  like you’d find back home.

Like all good things…Yep, it’s that time again.  As much as I hate to, I must bid yee farewell as I’m limited in allowable space and must be going.  So, until next time…be happy and live life to it’s fullest!

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