I somehow had drifted into a pleasant sense of detachment form both the inner and outer worlds. The mind and things worldly rarely of consequence. As corny as it sounds a "paradigm shift" brought about by the one big family called the "Zhong Hua" (middle kingdom).

Life, while as far from perfect as could be, was fun. The stink, the sewers, the garbage, the carcinogenic air a simple back drop to accommodate a family grown too large.

My unease over the war abated as China cooled it's rhetoric. Zhu Rong Ji went to the US and said once in English "I love Chinese People...I love American People." What a man! It looked like, in spite of the war that the Chinese were going to try to continue a peaceful, productive relationship with my home country. And let me tell you you soon begin to think of your leader as the man running the show where you happen to be. When Zhu was the mayor of Shanghai when the pro-democracy riots broke out he managed to get the kids to go home without force...at the same time in Beijing, the State resorted to shooting the kids to manage the crisis. We all heard about what happened in Beijing, it was called "Tenamen Sq." What we did not hear about at the time was Mr. Zhu's peaceful resolution of the crisis in Shanghai. Why, I wonder? The Chinese politicians have a tough job, at least everyone gets plenty to eat and the state has mandated population control thus stabilizing society. I especially admire the fact that even if a Chinese official has sex with a 23 yr old bimbo that the press is smart enough not to put it in print...used to be that way in America too. Lets face it, powerful and successful men have more sex...so what? Should the entire government and entire careers be decided by this simple fact? In America it seems yes, not so here, sanity prevails!

A civilization free of lawyers and the justice industry. Adults have to look out for them selves! So what if you get burned by some hot tea? You can't sue over that just because you were spastic and spilled it on yourself!

Did you know that China recognized the US of A back before the British were run off? I didn't until Mr. Zhu pointed that out. Why was that not in my Public Ed history text book???

But I ramble, back to the theme:

Friday night, CNN shows the castle on the hill in Germany were the G8 is meeting to discuss the way to end the war. The G8 emerges with a statement...only China need buy in and the entire weight of the international community will be brought to bear on ending the violence. Encouraging, I think, it will be over soon.

Sat. morn, 8 of May. Early in the darkness of that morning I was brought violently awake by a sickening dream and could not return to deep sleep. My guide shows at 8AM and I just had enough time to shower and dress, no CNN. We take a friends taxi, Xiao Li (who had brought his attractive wife, Zhou Yan along for the trip, man, she's a good cook!), down to the ferry crossing about 30 minutes south past the old women at the hills. The mission, to find Yu Shan on the far shore of the Chongjian (Yangtze) River. These hills I had spotted twice from afar but mistakenly ID'd as the hills of Suzhou.

Stop for lunch at the towns finest joint. The food is always better on the other side of the river...Nantong may well be the world's capital of culinary atrocity. Two little girls spot me and run away, scared. Strange, that usually only happens if I've not had a shave for a few days...

We were detained at the crossing for some reason but finally got on the boat. The weather was bright and Yu Shan was close to the ferry dock. A hill almost a 1000 feet tall with trees rising abruptly out of the endless plane of buildings called Jaingsu. A chair lift ride to the top, few people...no came for this reason. If there were not hordes of people, it must be a place to shun, right? People are the same everywhere.

A walk out the ridge in humid sunlight. Old women pickling leaves at an old tea plantation. This was a enclave of some way old money, kept orderly and clean. I wondered what family had ruled here for longer that what...a 1000 yrs? Bought some fresh picked green tea and ambled on. I was the only foreigner in the hills or that I saw in the pleasant town of Chong Shu below. It almost felt "remote." Actually, this was the nicest place I had been around here, figures I had to find it for myself!

On the ferry back across the river, I got more stares than usual. And the stares were not those of the curious, somehow angry. I decided it was because my guide was female and forgot all about it.

Approaching Jun Shan were my old lady friends sell drinks, I asked the Xiao Li to pull over for a short visit. We pulled up to the collection of tables where the old ladies sold drinks to those who came to the trail head began their short walk to the top. I got out of the car and was recognized immediately but not approached or greeted with the usual enthusiasm. These people were always so friendly so I could not figure out the coolness but one lady offered me a seat so I sat, bought some water and chugged it down. I decided to leave sooner than I usually would...no one waved goodbye...

Back in Nantong Yao Yao and I are treated to dinner at the home of Xaio Li and Zhou Yan. Zhou's cooking is excellent...originally from Shanghai, she does not cook the common Nantong fare, thankfully! We are all exhausted so I say may good byes and hop on my bike for home, only a few minutes away by back allies where foreigners are never seen. 

Enter my 9th floor cliff dwelling in the luxurious high rise called the HuaNeng Hotel. Click on the CNN and get on line to check my email. Then, I can't believe what I hear from the TV behind me...NATO has bombed the Chinese Embassy...the adrenaline flows, the shock sets in, a slow subtle fear arises as I realize that there may be no way out of here now...

Some one dropped a bomb on my second world satori...

I saw old Mr. Fan out in the plant, I smiled and wave at him as usual but he smiles or waves not, a staunch ally now angered...

There are more icy stares on the streets now...I walk around thinking:

"I wasn't me...It wasn't me."

I'm ashamed to be an American, many of my fellow expats had been embarassment enough, but this was beyond comprehension. Let's see the G8 meet and say "all we need is China's buy in and it's pretty much over" and the very next day what happens?

Did Clinton make a deal with the devil to get the Monica thing off his back? Are the war mongers not already rich enough? Or could they just not stand seeing peace between to great powers, heaven only knows what THAT could lead to! It was clear to me during the Clinton impeachment thing that a faction behind the scenes was using the Monica thing to cast the Chinese as villains. Then Bill gives a few billion $$ to the "defense" dept. Was that not enough to buy them off? And that arrogant politician saying that it was lack of funding for the CIA that led to "out dated" maps being used, yeah right, the CIA can't afford a 50 cent map of downtown Belgrade? And the spy scandal, the Chinese "stealing nuke secrets." According to CNN the Chinese have less than 20 ICBM's, hardly what I call a threat...and there have been no signs of a big nuke weapon project since the alleged "stealing" took place, why is that? If such a security breach DID take place, why is there not a witch hunt FOR THOSE WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR SECURITY OF US NUCLEAR SECRETS???? Could you blame anyone for buying information that was so easily removed from a nuke research facility? Hells bells, when I worked on P&G projects they had very tight security to keep their TOILET PAPER FORMULA an industry secret...you mean to tell me the US Gov can't keep a nuke secret???

Nobody here believes it was an accident.

So now we face Cold War II or World War III, all in the name of greed....or stupidity...I'm not sure which is worse.

Sunday, 23rd of May 1999

Last Wednesday Yao Yao showed up at Richard's Bar just as I was about finished eating. Then a friend of hers showed up. I knew what was happening, seeing them eating from the top of the unpublished Chinese menu that Xu Li (Richard) reserves for local guests.

To my amazement my bill was $30...it is usually $6. I was pissed but said nothing. It was clear I was not too happy with this. I did not leave my customary tip (Chinese do not tip) and left wondering how people manage to be generous and friendly without getting into situations were others try to exploit their kindness.

Should I feel guilty I wonder, I am, after all rich by local standards? No! I will not be guilty...it is rude to run up some one's bill without an invitation! I'll not go back I say to myself, the power one really has in such a case.  This was not too cheery a thought either...this was the best food in town and the most relaxing atmosphere. I'm out in the cold again. Why can't I figure out how to deal with people?

So, the next night I ventured down to the Korean Restaurant for the first time since the bombing, dreading the facing of my friends there who knew I was American. Turns out they were still happy to see me though I could tell things were a bit strained. I at least was shielded by my dark shades and spoke in my usual soft voice...the antithesis of Korean or Chinese, which is oft loudly exhorted.

A good dinner and its too nice out side to return to the cliff dwelling where the wind often quietly howls past my little window on the world. A ride, I need a ride and on a whim I take a side street North and follow the canal that encircles the Wen Feng Pagoda, hundreds of years old. The sky is hazy blue and the cumulus clouds overhead have texture ... these meteorological conditions occur here only a handful of times in a given year.

The palm trees that line the canal are actually bright instead of olive drab. The empress trees and other Asian trees with compound leaves are in bloom, looking lush. The Larch no longer dead looking with brownish fronds, but fresh green. A couple men are fishing with little luck.

There are enough trees on the Wen Feng mote that it actually appears verdant, birds sing but are not seen.  Nantong's nature conservancy.

I see a view across the small canal, just trees, no people. A plan in hatched...bang a left, you know what you are looking for...smoke!

Just past the old pagoda you pull over at an isolated alley way shop and ask the middle-aged woman behind the counter:

Ni yo Nan Jing yan?

Mayo, she laughs, taken back at Chinese spouting from my foreign face.

Mayo! I exclaim in mock amazement.

Scanning the smokes she has for sale, she then points at a gold pack, obviously top of the line.

Zhige hao bu hao? I ask

Hen hao!, she again laughs

I pick up the pack and read the pinyin outloud:

Yi Ping Mei

Big smile from across the counter

Wo yao, Doe shao?

Shi wu kuai she says.

Ni yo...? and I make a clicking motion with my thumb which immediately produces a lighter. I rub my thumb across my bird and index finger with a questioning look:

Er kuai

I giver her 17 yuan and say "Xie Xia" she smiles again.

"Zai Jian" I say and hop on my top Yuan bike.

"Zai Jia" she says and waves goodbye

I am very pleased with myself...not only did I manage to speak to a stranger but I did not use a single word of English and was understood! You had to be there I guess.

I ride back to the view across the canal where one can see only trees if you face away from the street. I find a break in the row of palms and bushes to sit on a small stump surrounded by something like monkey grass.  Evening is not too far off. I feel almost safe as I am pretty much hidden from view and passers by preferring the streets rather than the side walk.

I fire up an Yi ping mei, surprisingly smooth and sweet for a Chinese...in fact the best Chinese smoke I've ever had (not that I've had that many).

Ah, smoking, per Murphy gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

There I sat with something stuck in my mouth, listening to the birds, watching a frog swim awkwardly across the surface as here and there the occasional methane bubble broke burped up from the sewage below.

Then the elusive quiet set in and I was one with the trees, nicotine induced no doubt but nevertheless enjoyable. A brief instant of thoughtless perception somehow how I fancy the moment of death or the state of a tree to be...plants always seem vibrantly alive when this state comes, no matter what it's vehicle.

I have not felt this good in a long time I think. This is happiness I think, I'm happy and with that thought I happen to look up above the trees across the mote and lo and behold a bat flutters by! It just so happens that here in Nantong the bat symbolizes peace and happiness.

Imagine that?

Shane in Nantong, PRC

The following are Shane's previous articles for the magazine:

• The Edge Of Town Brazil ~ A Fronteira da Cidade
• Lessons Of The High Caparaó ~ In Brazil
• Biking In Brazil ~ Up Into The Mountains
• Life In Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil ~ “A Jewel In The Rough”
• A Marriage Map For Brazil ~ Getting Hitched In Brazil