Telc, a much smaller town near Kromeriz, had an much better main square compared with Kromeriz' main square in which some of the buildings were crumbling. Come to think of it, many of the side streets were in better overall condition in Telc. That doesn’t mean to say there weren’t a few gems in Kromeriz. The Renaissance-era town hall wasn’t too shabby. Neither were some of the Art Nouveau-styled buildings and gray and white Renaissance buildings which had some graffito remaining. If you haven’t been to the other honorably-mentioned towns - read: Telc - , it certainly will deliver. Not terrible, just not great.

But Velke namesti isn't the main attraction in Kromeriz, anyway. You came to see the Archbishops’ Chateau and its surrounding grounds, located just north of Velke namesti and recognizable by the other, taller, baroque clock tower. Don’t meander at this point but go directly through the gates and find out when the next tour is. After this, you can wander to kill time or wander after the tour, which takes a good 90 minutes. If you have more than 15 minutes to spare, try the view from the clock tower. As I mentioned, it’s the best shot of St. Maurice’s and the view in that direction is the most pleasant. 

The whole town and beyond is pretty nice and there’s not many panelaks, the Soviet-era apartment blocks, but Velke namesti does look like a bald patch. After descending from the tower, give yourself time to enjoy the courtyard before the tour starts, preferably on a bench. There are closely trimmed hedges, white cannons on wooden wheels and angel sculptures stand guard. The first room in the tour is covered with artificial animal trophies and has a billiards table.

The tour includes various residential and administrative rooms with the walls adorned with numerous paintings of archbishops, but the best rooms, as in most movies, come towards the end. Mansky Hall has ceiling paintings from Franz Anton Maulpertsch and definitely deserves at least 5 minutes of neck craning. The climax is the Meeting Hall where scenes from Amadeus were shot. If heaven has a lobby, it probably looks something like this. Occasionally concerts are held here and that could make a classical music fan out of the most hardened punk. Crystal chandeliers drip from the ceiling looking as majestic as possible. The walls are decorated with gold over white. You can’t help but feel it’s something divine.

This room is just one of many reasons to wipe the dust off your VHS of Amadeus or go rent it on DVD to hear Mozart in your new surround sound set up that hadn't yet been invented in 1984. The tour finishes with a walk through the almost exclusive wooden library with its mountain upon mountain of books. The dumpster-sized globes were interesting as well.

After the tour, you’re probably going to be hungry or thirsty or both. If you return to Velke namesti, there are plenty of Czech restaurants to dine in or you can go for the Bohemia Pizzeria which has some sort of a Hawaiian theme happening inside and a beer garden out front. If you’re just thirsty you should go without delay to a sklep, or wine bar, such as the one around the corner from the chateau which is located through Mill Gate. If you can still walk (a straight line isn’t necessary) you can return to the chateau to wander through the gardens, which stretch to the Morava river. Obviously, spring is probably the best time to go to Kromeriz to see the gardens. 

There’s many kinds of trees, some of which are better viewed after leaving the path and venturing out onto the grass. One such tree that normally doesn't catch the vistor's eye is the birch tree. It’s hideously inviting in its nakedness and the branches are so twisted it looks as if a giant climbed up the tree and rolled himself into a small ball. It’s also suitable for climbing because the branches shoot out the entire height of the tree. And there’s even a bench underneath it. Try not to think about Edgar Allen Poe when you’re dozing off.

The grounds also sport small fountains, and playfully trimmed hedges that surround flower beds, and animals. Here and there we saw cages, and sometimes we heard a frentic scratching sound, as though cats and birds were scratching together. The birds and cats seemed to ignore each other. The sounds of screeching monkeys would have given the place a jungle feel if you still couldn't hear the sounds of traffic. There were also ponds and an tributary of the river. The level of enjoyment you derive from the ponds and tributary will tell you how much time you need in Kromeriz. With a packed picnic, four hours plus is completely feasible. But for those of you who are flower lovers and bleeding heart romantics, there’s more from where that came from because there’s also a 17th century Baroque flower garden west of the city center along Gen Svobody street.

You know, now that I think about it, stay an extra day. You can go to the Kromeriz Museum in Velke namesti or catch up on anything you missed the day before. If the weather is foul the next day or you’re too lazy to go walking around, catch a flick. I think I know which one you’ll be in the mood for.

The following are Matthew's previous articles for the magazine:

• Not Your Normal Pagan Fertility Ritual - Easter Monday In Mikulov, The Czech Republic
• The Other Franz Ferdinand - Experiences In Bensov And Konopiste Castle
• UNESCO As My Guide - More Travels In The Czech Republic