In The Land Of UK: Adventures In The United Kingdom ~ by Jurgen Klemann
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In The Land Of UK
Adventures In The United Kingdom
By Jurgen Klemann
When I was a student at university about twenty years ago, I took my first little baby steps to gain international experience. These first little baby steps led me to the turf of the POMs. POM stands for Prisoners of Her Majesty. The British are called POMs in the English speaking world in the southern hemisphere – primarily in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. They are called POMs in that part of the world because the first settlers in Australia were British convicts.

Her Majesty only resorted to convicts to colonise Australia, not New Zealand. Even today this historical background explains a few differences between Australia and New Zealand. As a joke in New Zealand goes: Why was Jesus born in Israel, not in Australia? Because they could not find there three wise men and a virgin.
Anyway, I was still naive enough to reckon that it is worth being actively involved in a political party in Germany. I was involved in the FDP, which claims to be a liberal party.

Whilst being cured of the misconception quite a while ago that it is worth being involved in a political party, during my student days I was involved in European politics.
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Again, my attitude has changed a little since then.

My attitude now is that Europe is pretty much beyond its use by date and climax and over the hill, as far as its influence and making a difference in the world is concerned.
However, because of my involvement in European politics for the FDP, I had the opportunity to grace London and Liverpool with my presence a few times. The purpose of the exercise was primarily to catch up there with representatives of other European parties that claim to be liberal as well. Whilst the political drivel going on there qualifies for the category “a whole load of bloody rubbish” and is not worth rehashing, it is worth chatting a little about London and Liverpool.

London

London is one of a kind. As far as my humble self with my – at least sometimes – provocative arrogance is concerned, London plays in a league of its own. The name London suggests everything.

London stands for history and world class entertainment. You find both loads of chaffeurs and beggars there.
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Let us just chuck a few names around and they do ring a bell: the river Thames, which runs through central London, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus and Regent Street. You will associate all these names with London.

However, London also includes South London. South London means to a large extent a bunch of poor and run down suburbs like Brixton. But these suburbs in South London enjoy vibrant subcultures.

The easiest way to get around in London is by taking the tube, the underground train system there. It may be a little run down and not very efficient. But if you go by car, you will never get anywhere. In case you feel like doing the tourist thing, take a black cab or a classic red double decker.

So far I have blessed London with my presence exactly five times. I usually stayed at the National Liberal Club in Whitehall. You either love London or you hate it. But you cannot remain indifferent. No matter what your attitude to London is, you will certainly find the city deeply fascinating.
Cockney is a term used for any person who is born near St. Mary – Le Bow Church in Cheapside, London.

Cockney has enriched the culture of this world with the Cockney Rhyming Slang. The Cockney Rhyming Slang may be described as a code in which a word is replaced by a phrase that rhymes with that word. 

Cockney Rhyming Slang has been developing in the East End of London since the sixteenth century. 

I am very pleased to report that I do speak Cockney Rhyming Slang. There is not the shadow of a doubt for me that there are not heaps of Germans who master Cockney Rhyming Slang.

I did not learn it in London. Instead I learned it in Cape Town and in the deserts of Namibia. English friends of mine in South Africa taught me Cockney Rhyming Slang.
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Here we go with a few illustrations:

Believe                                                               Adam and Eve
Do you Adam and Eve it?

Stairs                                                                 apples and pears
The apples and pears are a little old fashioned.

Brahms and Lizt                                                    pissed (like drunk)
Students get Brahms and Lizt on Friday night.

Soap                                                                  Bob Hope
We need Bob Hope in the bathroom.

Arse                                                                   Khyber Pass
I give you a kick in the Khyber Pass.

Dance                                                                kick and prance

Sister                                                                 skin and blister
We will kick and prance with your skin and blister.

In case you are really advanced speaking Cockney Rhyming Slang, you only use the first word of the phrase – e.g. we will kick with your skin.

When bumping into POMs all over the world I cannot resist taking them by surprise with my unexpected language skills. It has turned into something like a knack.

Liverpool

Even though I graced Liverpool my with presence only once, I liked the city immediately. About twenty years ago, I spent a weekend there to attend a conference of the European Liberals. About twenty years ago, the city of The Beatles gave visitors the impression that it was old, tired and run down. However, my humble self liked the city at the river Mersey immediately because Liverpool displays character and resilience. 

Albert Dock illustrates Liverpool’s character and resilience. Twenty years ago Albert Dock deserved to be called one of the most run down sites in the land of UK. Since then it has been thoroughly revamped. Its warehouses now buzz with bars and shops, even museums.

For that weekend, I stayed at Hotel Adelphi, said to be already the top notch hotel in Liverpool before the home turf of The Beatles started going south. Again, let us put it a little provocatively: The Adelphi certainly deserves to be described as “up to standard”.

Anyway, twenty years ago I was by far not as fluent in English as I am now. You will not be surprised to learn that I encountered a few difficulties with “scouse” during my weekend in Liverpool. “Scouse” is the name of the accent spoken in the city at the river Mersey. “Scouse” goes more or less like this:

Dee do doh don de doh                                      they do though don’t they.

Yer arright den, la                                             you all right then, lad.

As I am always fond of pointing out to students in my classes – English is very easy.

Channel Islands

Even though I cannot claim to be filled by the desire to return to Europe to settle down there, there are a few spots that may manage to attract my interest sooner or later. The likelihood is rather slim. But you never know. However, I am not rambling about Tuscany. There are too many German politicans loitering in Tuscany. I am rather talking about the Channel Islands.

The Channel Islands are a group of islands situated in the English Channel, just off the northwest coast of France. Why – of all places – may they attract my interest as a place to settle down? There are pretty much two reasons. First, the Channel Islands enjoy a predominantly warm and sunny climate (at least by European standards). There are also fine beaches and good restaurants, well known for local seafood. They are basically a place to unwind and chill out. All this means that it is a pleasant enough place to continue my semi - retired lifestyle that I currently enjoy in Colima.

Second, the Channel Islands are constitutionally not part of the United Kingdom, even though they are British since 1066. They have their own parliaments and laws. In the course of time they have turned into tax havens, a fact which makes them appealing to folks who are inclined to reside in Europe and are fond of doing their banking there without being harassed by meddling bureaucracy.

By the way, the main islands there are Guernsey, Jersey, Alderney and Sark. It may be worth sussing out Alderney and Sark in particular. Alderney is the quietest island there (which tells you something about the spot). On Sark there is neither traffic nor income tax, which sounds even more appealing. However, let us wait and see. There is no hurry.

For the time being, I am quite happy in Colima. In case you have ever wondered what Colima means – the word Colima is derived from the “Nahuatl” word “Coliman”. “Nahuatl” is an Indian language. ”Colli” means mountain, volcano or grandparent. “Maitl” means hand or domain.

The Other End Of The Lifeboat

Otto Scott is not everybody’s cup of tea. Who cares? Neither am I. Bill Cosby got the credit for the phrase “I do not know the key to success. But the key to failure is trying to please everyone”.

Anyway, Otto Scott enjoys a stellar reputation among a special audience. But he is not well known outside this circle. Otto Scott is an Associate Scholar for the American Council on Economics and Society. He is a former corporate executive and has written numerous articles and essays. Otto Scott has also penned ten books. One of these books is “The Other End Of The Lifeboat”.

“The Other End Of The Lifeboat” revolves around South Africa in the 1980’s. The book explains the history of South Africa. It also consists of interviews with influential Afrikaner, who – to a large extent – were then cold shouldered worldwide. The book makes eye opening reading today with Mugabe loving and AIDS denying Mbeki in charge of the country.

The following is a list of articles written by Jurgen for the magazine:

To contact Jurgen Click Here

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