| Successful
Living in Malaysia: Being a Student of Life |
| by Caroline
Couronne |
| I am a
French woman. I came to Malaysia two years ago for a period of three months
and never left ....
Too much in
a hurry to taste the delights of Malaysia, I did not wait for an expat
contract to come by and settled on my. I work for a local company as a
Marketing Executive, promoting local expertise and know-how to French companies
and other Europeans investors. I try to show the country to expatriates
the way a local would see it.
Lessons
Learned ... Lessons to Learn
Sunday night,
Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am sitting in the lounge of my new rented
place and getting to know my new housemate, an American-Muslim student. |
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| Amongst various
topics, we are now sharing our adventurous experiences of the country.
One image strikes me: we look like two children sharing our discoveries
of the outside world after stepping out of the cozy familial environment.
He is 40, I am 25, and yet we are the same, we are students of life.
Length of study:
undetermined; admission: must hold a degree in Social-Easiness, with major
in Open-Mindness; Degree Obtained: Master in Soul Searching and Human Interconnection
Behavior.
When I met
my new landlord for the first time, I noticed the unexpected softness
of my voice, delicateness in my arm gestures, and I instinctually bowed
to her. She is a very petite Chinese lady, and she seems very enthusiastic
to meet a foreigner. We French people, always seem to carry a certain “je-ne-sais-quoi”
which seduces locals, and as a mark of courtesy, she exchanged a few words
in my native language; she'd visited Paris when she was younger.
I remembered
my past experience with Chinese landlords and the importance attached to
financial matters. |
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| Cautiously,
I quickly addressed the rent topic. We indulged in a short negotiation,
more for intellectual sharpness than in view of a potential gain, Chinese
are monetary virtuosos, and well, I am not. This is my third.
room in Kuala
Lumpur, I am determined to pass this new test. My very first landlord was
a Muslim lady, I knew close to nothing of the Do’s & Don’ts. I guess
that storing ham in the fridge, wearing my shoes in the lounge, and handing
her the rent with my left hand did not help building a fruitful relationship.
The number
of Faux pas committed with friends, housemates, maids, waiters, colleagues
are incalculable, and those are the ones I am aware of.
Dining with
friends’ families can also be a stressful examination, where I try to apply
my knowledge of customs and the polite etiquette inculcating through my
French education. |
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Offshore
Resources Gallery
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| The initiation
of table manners is a threefold more complicated in Malaysia. You should
remember not to order pork and alcoholic drinks when eating with Muslims,
not to help yourself with Chinese Tea while forgetting to serve other table
members, not to offer a welcome hug to your guests but instead a soft
and polite handshake.
Body contact
in Malaysia is reserved to close companions and family members, I always
have to refrain from the customary French Greetings consisting of a kiss
on each cheek, even to my close friends, male and female. Knowing the basic
rules is crucial, because Asians are more reserved than Europeans; instead
of openly voicing their offense when you happily poured soy sauce on
a special home made fish dish, your host will simply not re-iterate invitations.
After two-years
of intensive training, I believe that I can go through a full dinner,
Chinese, Malay or Indian without blatantly offending my hosts or guests.
Usually, I do get re-invited!
If social outings
have become less of a struggle, the working environment is still stimulating
my AQ (Adaptiveness Quotient). |
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| I know too
well the basic commandments of local working survival: “thou shall never
raise your voice,” ... “thou shall never criticize the country and its
political matters,” ... “thou shall never criticize the company,” ... "thou
shall always be patient.” I plead guilty to failing at almost each
of these in the last week: number of verbal.
aggressions:
3, number of company criticism: 15, number of impatient tantrums: 1. Disapproving
look, reserved anger, and rapid isolation, is the silent treatment reserved
to most foreigners who “loose face.” Quiet apologies, softened attitude
and humility helped me climb back in my colleague esteem.
But I shall
never forget that as a white person living here, I owe them higher respect
and deeper understanding. The failing of many foreigners to lead local
teams comes from aggressiveness and misunderstanding of locals’ dissatisfaction. |
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Offshore
Resources Gallery
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| Since they
will never voice it out, most managers blindly believe that their subordinates
are happy, until they present mass resignation letters, which is fairly
common in Malaysia.
The latest
exam I failed was a funeral experience. One of my Chinese friend’s grandfather
passed away. Weddings, births, funerals are the events in Life where
cross-cultural divergences are the loudest. Forgetting my theory knowledge,
I waited two days after the funeral to hand out a sum of money to the family
as a sign of respect.
Very little
was I to know that the Chinese custom is to bury the body within a few
days, and that any money received after the burial can not be expected
nor accepted. I received my “Failed Mention” when the family handed
the money back to me, explaining that I was too late. I will do better
next time, the learning curve is steep, but the reward of leaving one’s
cultural shell to meet other cultures is a million times worth all little
hurdles. |
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Article
Index ~ Malaysia
Index ~ |
