A near-perfect climate, easy and affordable living, hospitable locals, no property taxes, free education, excellent health care and everybody speaks English. And the Maltese drive on the left, like the British, but a little more recklessly.

These qualities used to describe living in Malta by travel and offshore living web magazines helped convince me to give Malta a serious look as a retirement destination. Since my wife was born in Malta prior to emigrating to Canada in the mid 1950's we pursued the idea of returning to the island one day to retire.

This idea originally germinated by subscribing to the web magazines Escape from America and International Living. I had been reading these magazines for the last few years as I was looking to get some ideas for preparing for my eventual escape from the insanity of big city living. As we were both fed up with our high pressure jobs, endless hours of commuting and struggling to keep financially ahead even though we were both working we started to question how long we could continue before our health failed.

I was employed in the construction industry and was under immense pressure trying to do 3 jobs at once. My wife was employed at one of Canada's biggest banks and was downsized after working for them for many years. Many of our workmates quit or changed companies due to the pressure which made things more difficult for those remaining. There were no “Good Days” at my company and by the end of the week I felt like I just wanted to curl up in the foetal position and suck on my thumb. Climbing up the corporate ladder for a souless corporation was like climbing on a stair master set at steep incline. In other words there was no other option for us but to find a way out...and quickly.

After receiving a glowing report from my wife’s brother who visited Malta in the summer of 2006 we started to do some serious research that culminated in my visitation to the island in January, 2007 on a two week fact finding expedition.

Upon landing in Malta I was overwhelmed by the cultural and geographical differences between Malta and Vancouver, British Columbia. At just under 400,000 people on an island half the size the city of Vancouver I quickly set to work exploring the island and to meet my wife's many cousins and relatives.

Along with my eldest son we kept accurate records on the cost of living, transportation and real estate/ rental costs and availability. With information in hand we returned to Vancouver to analyze what we had learned and ultimately decided that we would proceed with our application to emigrate to Malta.

Although we had a successful trip and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves I was to learn that researching and visiting a country on a holiday and emigrating to it are two very, very different things. Although the Maltese Immigration Department made every effort to help returning citizens, the bureaucracy and cultural differences we faced since initiating the process in November, 2006 makes me wonder how we survived the ordeal and did we make the right decision.

After many e-mails, letters, legal documents and phone calls we received my wife’s citizenship papers stating she had never lost her Maltese citizenship. This document was the foundation stone for the rest of us. After completing the required documents she then received her Maltese Passport which was followed by my 18 year old’s citizenship papers and his Maltese birth certificate - even though he was born in Canada - and his Maltese passport. Then after selling our condo, cars, furniture, paying off all our debts and dumping all that we did not want we set out with my wife’s 77 year old Maltese mother in tow, for Malta in July 2007 to begin a new life.

Sell! Sell!
Although I've glossed over the details of selling most of our possessions from cars to furniture it was a very difficult time for us. It is amazing what you collect over the years and the sentimental attachments you have with the most useless things. I realized as we were going through our possessions that we were caught up in the buy, buy, buy syndrome of modern city living. We were like crows that liked everything bright and shiny and we were armed and dangerous with credit cards and cash.

One would think - how anyone could unload 2 condominiums (ours & the mothers), 2 cars, furniture and anything else that we did not want in such a short period of time? It was easy because we were living in Vancouver which was experiencing a hot real estate market. Not only did we sell the condos within 3 days of listing them, the purchasers bought our furniture as well. The cars were sold or given to family members. All that was left to do was make flight arrangements and arrange for temporary living quarters in Malta.

 know that if anyone living in a depressed real estate market reads this they will think I am writing a load of Horse Hockey but that's the way it happened. A homeowner with toys one week, out on the street the next. And I didn't get divorced either.

After a long flight from Vancouver, a week in Toronto visiting relatives and then continuing on to Rome we arrived in Malta on a very hot July day. The only incident in the trip was when my wife asked for an ice cube in her wine on the Alitalia flight. I thought the flight attendant was going to have her arrested.

Upon arrival we were greeted at the airport by a large crowd of people that were relatives of my wife’s. I kept asking, “Who are those guys and why are they so short?”

The next few days were a Gong Show. Our most important issue was to find a more permanent place preferably a flat for ourselves and one for the mother-in-law. We met up with a real estate agent we spoke to prior to leaving Canada. She was a British ex-pat that lived and worked in Malta. She showed up at the pre-arranged time with a small car to show us a few places she had selected. A small car the size of an Austin Mini for 5 people I might add.

We packed ourselves into the glorified sardine can for our two dollar tour without any chance of doing up our seat belts. Not that there were any to do up anyway. “Not to worry Luv” the real estate lady told me. “The law says you don't have to do up seat belts if you are in the backseat”. Uh? The insanity started from this point. I had no idea what was in store for me.

 A country hick from Lower Podunct captured by aliens and taken to the dark side of the moon would not have experienced what I was about to discover.

It was a hard day and after looking at a few places we realized that the mother-in-law was in no condition to be living on her own. At 77 she was failing and it was decided that we would have to get a larger house and share the costs. This presented a problem as you can well imagine . The main one being two queens in the kitchen; but we had no choice and decided to rent a large bungalow just outside the town of Mosta.

“The Maltese Way”
Once we moved into the house we had an address for the things we were shipping from Canada. We also could start my citizenship/passport applications and try to get my son’s schooling arranged. The problem any traveler is faced with in a foreign land is finding his way around. We were no different. Since we were without a car we had to rely on buses or walking to get around. We were soon official members of the “Groundpounders” and the “Red Rocket Society”. I am also 15 pounds lighter than when I arrived. No more sitting in a car for 3-4 hours a day commuting to work or visiting customers breathing in noxious car exhaust fumes. I've gone Green. Now I breathe them in while I'm walking or riding a bus.

The good thing about bus fares in Malta is it's only about $.66 CDN per ride. The downside is most of the buses were built in the early 1950's and the roads are full of potholes. It is brutal. No wonder everyone here has a car. As a matter of fact. This whole island is a giant parking lot. At approximately 17 x 12 miles in size the island is one big construction site and it's hard to tell when one town ends and another starts.

As I previously stated the way of doing things over here are a tad different from the way things are done in North America. It is a challenge to rationalize things at first but you have to learn to accept things as they are and not be too critical of the way the Maltese do things. If you view the Mediterranean as a big pond then Malta is a Lily Pad that has evolved over time to survive in its competitive environment. It's different but somehow it works. So when I see something that make me shake my head, I just shrug my shoulders and try to be philosophical about it and say “it's the Maltese way.”

A good example of a strange experience is what they keep in their garages. Aside from cars and boats they also keep horses, goats and maybe their in-laws. They also may run a small business out of their garages. One has to be wary when looking for a place to rent or buy as one may find oneself living above a woodwork or automotive repair shop with all the accompanying noises and smells.

As I mentioned some people keep horses in their garages and they take them out for walks at night. One night I heard the familiar “clippity clop” sounds coming down the street so I rushed to get my camera. I was stunned not to see a horse but two very slim women in tight jeans and high heels on their way to party somewhere. Their shoes were making the sounds similar to a horse on pavement!

When you try to understand a country that is different from yours you must look at the country's history. Malta is located in the center of the Mediterranean just south of Sicily and to the north of the African continent and was a stopover point for early human migration and commerce. Malta's history is based upon human migration, war and slavery. There are ancient ruins on Malta that pre-date Christianity by 4000 years. Malta was also always under control of some invading army on their way to plunder other nations. Romans, Phoenicians, Turks, European. “Lets do Malta” was the quote of the day one would think. Malta was also a rich source for Corsair raiding parties looking for slaves.

In 1565 the Turks fed up with the Knights of St. John invaded Malta with over 40,000 men to take on the knights and their 9000 supporters. The defenders held off the Turks who eventually withdrew with only 10,000 survivors. In the 19th century Malta was under control of another invading force that was commanded by Napoleon. It was not until the United Kingdom removed Malta from Napoleon’s possession did peace and prosperity come the island of Malta.

That all ended in 1940 when Fascist Italy pulled Malta into WW2 by attacking the island and starting the 2nd. siege of Malta. Fascist Italy ruled by Mussolini at the time, wanted to impress his Nazi partners, and decided to attacked Malta in a surprise bombing raid. This caused great hilarity among the Germans as they were fighting the combined might of the Allied forces while Italy took on little Malta.

As it was a British base strategically located in the Mediterranean, Malta was almost bombed into oblivion by the Axis powers replaying the earlier 1565 Turkish siege. The results were the same however, as the Axis powers failed in their attempt to invade Malta. Forged in the fire of war the relationship between Malta and the United Kingdom flourished. The British had a profound influence on the culture and attitudes of the Maltese and now the English language stands alongside Malti as one of the two Official languages. Malta has now gained independence from Great Britain and is a Republic and a new member of the European Economic Union. So now if I have a problem with the way things are done over here I just blame the British!

School's in and the Mother is Out
As July turned into August I was becoming frantic with the lack of response I was getting from the Maltese Education Evaluation Board. Prior to coming to Malta we had chosen an Art College for my son to continue his art career. Before applying to this school we had to have his high school transcripts assessed by the Evaluation Board. The closing date for the course we chose was the end of July. We did not receive his high school transcripts in the mail until mid August and the Evaluation Board would not accept a fax or e-mail transcript from my son’s high school. It had to be the original which we eventually produced. As hard as I tried and with intervention on our behalf by Maltese relatives we did not receive their assessment as August came to an end.

As my son’s schooling was one of the main reasons for us relocating to Malta and education is free to Maltese citizens I was beginning to think that I had left Vancouver too late in the year. I decided to forget standard procedures, protocol and all the rest of the bureaucracy and search out the Head Mucky Mucks in the Evaluation Board.

Mumbling to myself about the Maltese way of doing things I entered an official building with a flag over the entrance, figuring it was the Education building from the directions I had received. I was a well balanced Canadian with a chip on both shoulders and I wanted to reach out and touch someone.

As I walked up to the front desk an elderly gentleman approached me followed by one or two other people with bright smiles on their faces. They saw a map in my hands and after listing to my inquiry they opened my map and all started to give directions to the education building. It was then with great embarrassment that I realized that I had mistakenly wandered into a seniors’ home!

I had entered the building with an attitude and within two minutes was brought to my knees by a few elderly people whose highlight of the day was to have a visitor that they could help. Needless to say I thanked them profusely and left the building feeling lower than a slug’s belly.

Eventually I found the Evaluation Board department and politely settled my issues with them. Within a week I received my son’s approval letter and met with the art college administrators. Although we were too late for our choice of art course there was one opening available in a lower level art course which we gratefully accepted. We acknowledged the fact that it would be better to aim low the first year and acclimatize to the school system here before applying for the upper level courses.

One of Malta's advertised high points is its free medical care for its citizens. It also has a private health care system for those that wish to bypass lining up at the local clinic to see a doctor. Well aware of the “free” medical system in Canada -with its waiting times, lack of doctors and extra charges the clinics hit you with when you go for any doctor prescribed tests - we thought we would deal with the private option in Malta.

This decision has proved to be trouble free and inexpensive so far. A doctor’s office visit was only about $24.00CDN and as a bonus the doctor makes house calls for the same price. You could also play both fields if you chose to do so. The government doctors moonlight as private doctors after hours. Dental care is cheap as well. The removal of an abscessed tooth set me back $30.00CDN complete with check-up and x-ray. No filing out medical forms and paying the difference (more than $30.00) under your company coverage. As easy as the private system appeared we have had major problems with the government medical system, to the point that it has resulted in my mother in law's decision to return home to Canada.

Approximately one month upon arrival in Malta we had a serious medical issue that required an ambulance. My mother-in-law was upstairs watching the local fireworks grand finale and upon entering the upper laundry room lost her balance and fell on the granite floor. We rushed to her aid but she was bleeding badly and suffered head and arm contusions. An ambulance was summoned – 211, not 911- and a half hour later they carted her away for medical treatment. This experience was the start of a downhill slide in my mother in law’s experience with the Maltese medical system.

Due to the fact that my mother in law has health issues that require specific medicine she has had nothing but problems with doctors, tests and prescription pills. At every turn she would be given a run around with regards to the doctors appointments, location of the appointments and strength of the pills if provided. She was forced to take many bus rides to the hospital for appointments only to be given false information. When she did manage to get a prescription the pharmacy would give her the wrong dosage. How much of this was the medical system’s fault and my mother-in-law’s interpretation of things is debatable, however, it proved to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Since she was already having serious doubts about the Malta she remembered and the Malta she was experiencing her whole attitude changed drastically.

After 50 years in Canada it's hard to go back to a place where you grew up during the war and post war years living with your now deceased husband and new born children in near poverty. So with the words. “You can never go home again” ringing in her ears she has made arrangements to return to Canada this February and live close to her other daughter in Toronto, Ontario.

So where are we now seven months after emigrating to Malta you might ask? We have successfully negotiated the immigration and citizenship process. We are proud holders of an EU Passport and citizenship papers with all the benefits these documents offers. My son is in school and hopes to stay here for another 2-3 years and complete the MCAST Higher National Diploma program. We have doctors and dentists but I can't find a Tim Hortens or an A&W.

On the downside, although my wife and I like it here, we don't feel that we could live here all year round. It's too hot in the summer and too damp in the winter. We are also not impressed with the Maltese attitude towards trash. It can be a very dirty place at times. The buildings are also unheated and damp. You feel like you are living in a cave.

I also miss the mountains and lakes of British Columbia. When I try to explain these feelings to Maltese people they just look at me with an uncomprehending look. They have no idea what I am talking about. Fly fishing? Coyotes howl? The cry of a loon? Moose and bears?

In a nutshell my biggest problem with the Maltese people -as much as I love them – is lack of communication and understanding. Other than the weather and football (soccer) we have nothing in common and nothing to say. Remember that lily pad in the Mediterranean I spoke of earlier? Let's just say I'm a very lonely wayward dragonfly from an ecosystem far, far away.

You may already know how this will end.
My gut feeling when I made the decision to come to Malta was that I could live here part of the year but not all year round. So far I have not changed my feelings. As far as my son goes he also likes it here but, like most students here, he will have to leave Malta to find opportunities elsewhere. Even though he may do this he will always be a duel citizen and have the option to return in his later years.

Malta's greatest export to the world has been its people. They are a hard working lot with “jack of all trades” skills. They also speak English very well. All college, private schools and University courses are taught in English. This is to their benefit when they emigrate to another country. The problem is jobs are few here in Malta and there is a dog for every bone. You have to have an edge over your competitor so everyone has some type of scam going on. It's the opposite to Vancouver where there is a serious labour shortage due to retiring baby boomers.

Although the cost of living is cheaper here by North American standards wages are very low. Low cost of living and wages go hand in hand. An average wage in Malta is about $300.00CDN a week before taxes. There is also age discrimination in Malta. Job postings advertise for people between 20 to 30 years of age. You don't want to be over 50 and unemployed in Malta. If you come to Malta you should not expect to work unless you start your own business. Let me repeat that for the slightly dense out there. “DON'T EXPECT TO FIND WORK IN MALTA!!!“

The real estate is another issue to deal with. Do you buy or rent? As rental prices are reasonable in Malta I don't think I would ever buy a place of my own. The property here is way overpriced and is not based upon the usual supply and demand rule laws one might find elsewhere in the world. There is something hinkey about real estate dealings over here. With over 50,000 vacant suits, unfinished buildings, no property taxes and off-shore “Grey” money the last thing you want (in my opinion) to do is get involved in buying real estate in Malta. With other European countries like Bulgaria and Croatia getting into the investment real estate game and with the collapse of the Spanish resort real estate market, Malta is heading towards a real estate meltdown and it's going to be ugly.

Well I guess I've said all that I can say to date. This June we should see how things will go with our son's schooling as this will determine our length of stay in Malta. At this time we will also have to evaluate how we feel about living here, working and can we afford to stay long term or just part of the year.

I realize after reading about my experiences you may be critical about the way things were done but don't judge me too harshly. There is no book or night school class on immigrating to Malta to my knowledge. All I had was the internet, e-magazines, books, relatives and tv programs to provide me with base line knowledge. Useful but all fluff and no grit. The important information can only come from living in that country as a resident and not as a tourist. All one can do is complete as much research as possible, hold your breath and take that big scary leap into the unknown.

In summary Malta has sublimely stolen my heart with its Mediterranean scenery, life style and its people. I've even started to talk loudly while flailing my hands. I do, however, feel a bit of loneliness in my heart at times and I suspect it’s because I'm a country boy at heart, trapped in a big city. I also feel that I have unfinished business to deal with back home with regards to my parents and eldest son. So with the words, “You can never go home again” echoing in my ear, I suspect, from what I've written, you may already know how this will end.

Differences between Canada and Malta:
Vancouver- Once a week shopping at Cosco or SuperValu.You go to the store to shop.
Malta- Shopping at 3 different stores everyday or fruit, fish and vegetable trucks come to your door in the morning and evening with horns blaring.

Vancouver- Taxes, taxes and more taxes.
Malta-No strata fees, Municipal taxes.

Vancouver - You go to a Liquor store for booze.
Malta - Small corner stores sell beer and hard liquor. Will deliver if requested.

Vancouver - booze in public - day in slammer
Malta - Booze all day everywhere no problem.

Vancouver- Racial tension, fights, gangs
Malta - I haven't even seen a panhandler or scrap no matter how drunk they are.

Vancouver - A rule and regulation for everything.
Malta - Rules are only meant to be a guideline. “What stop sign?”

Vancouver - Try seeing a doctor without a death certificate.
Malta - Doctor's come to your house for $15.00 CDN and you get to give blood in the privacy of your own kitchen.

Vancouver - Fireworks once a year in English Bay complete with riots.
Malta - Fireworks from 8 AM to midnight 7 days a week during festival time with no violence.

Vancouver - Sensible drivers to a point.
Malta - The insanity. If you don't like their driving stay off the sidewalks.

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