No easy task to come up with another island on the planet where more building is in progress at the present time. The choice here is enormous and varied, from simple to grand and just about everywhere in between as well as below & beyond! Most of the 'development' is concentrated in the city of Porlamar, the island's main commercial hub; new condos competing side-by-side with ever more and grander malls, concrete vying for every last patch of greenery and miniscule portion of sea view. The district known as 'Costa Azul' (inspired by Cote d'Azur, one presumes) may already have made it into the Guinness Book of Records for more concrete per square centimetre of any Caribbean Isle.

Why is it so many people enjoy living on top of each other, with all that entails? Perhaps they don't cotton-on to the realities of life in a concrete jungle prior to their first weekend fully installed in it, the jungle? Incidentally, concrete-jungle life does not come cheap (any longer) - what with inflation running locally at around 30% per annum and construction materials, labour costs and land having kept well-abreast, the actual cost for 1 m/2 of condo in 'Costa Azul' is being calculated at around $5K. Other urban areas, though not quite as engaged in competing for a Guinness Record, are certainly hanging-in there.

That includes other areas of Porlamar, the port city of Pampatar, Juangriego (Little Damascus) and surrounding areas on the west coast (largely settled by Middle Eastern merchants), the ancient colonial capital, La Asuncion, El Valle - site of the shrine devoted 'Our Lady of El Valle' as well as all along most of the popular beaches, commencing with Playa El Agua and including El Yaque, a surfer's paradise,(I am told).

A friend who moved here with his young family a year ago from Baltimore, summed it up this way: Heck, I can't think of any other (small) island ANYWHERE (still) providing an island atmosphere (of sorts) whilst also offering such a sophisticated level of modern infrastructure! Better quality infrastructure in fact than many much larger places on the continent, North America or Europe....

And his observation is certainly valid! However, before rushing to the Airport with a bag full of bare essentials, for a non-stop flight to Isla Margarita, of which there are some, but mostly via London, Frankfurt, Amsterdam & till recently via Montreal/Toronto only; (so from most of the planet you'll have to come via Maiquetia (Caracas);)take a few deep breaths and do this in cerebral rather than emotional fashion...

Having tried to convey how there is most assuredly no shortage of choices for anyone desirous to come and live on an island in the blue Caribbean Sea, and at probably (still) just-affordable prices - it is only fair to recommend an appropriate analytical procedure to ensure your move to this sunny isle will not be clouded unduly by easily avoidable banana peels, some of which can result in more or less serious concussions in the gluteous region, i.e. pains in the butt!!

a. LEGAL HELP: You’ll need an honest Laywer & apart from being honest & representing your interests above all else, he should also NOT rip you off, on account of you being a foreign national! I’ve seen some scandalous fees charged both by foreign & local Lawyers to people buying a property. (4000 Sterling in the UK)! Holy cow that’s in the UNITED KINGDOM!! Locals mostly are terrific guys, but when they see a ‘gringo’ (any foreigner at all…), they have been known to succumb to an inflationary syndrome. Not all of them – but enough.

b. LAND REGISTER: Filing a property sale in Venezuela (Registro) is essentially not an expensive item. The local Law College publishes the rates its members can charge, but in reality you should be given a better rate to the official one. Incidentally, your legal status in Venezuela is an important element determining whether you can buy a property here or not. On a 'Tourist Visa' you're NOT supposed to conduct business here, nor invest in property! If in any doubt, do ask me.

c. OWNERSHIP: The process of checking title must be efficient! Otherwise someone may come knocking on the door of your beautiful new 6-bedroom, 10 bathroom, 8-Jacuzzi Rancho one sunny afternoon, along with his wife & 12 kids to thank you for building such a fantastic house on his land….With luck you’ll be allowed to remain the night & get a ride to the Airport next morning. OK, there may be a positive spin-off – the Times, or NY Times might buy your story…..

d. RANCHOS: Literally a humble dwelling! A Rancho is associated with a simple life. On Margarita, an enterprising Lady, called Chana Uzcategui, concocted a concept based on Mexican & New Mexican dwellings. The result: a national & international success story..of sorts! Los Ranchos de Chana in a place called Arena Cernida, are, for the most part pretty lovely & at times spectacular abodes. Also anything BUT humble! Personally I don’t particularly care for that neighbourhood, but that’s a very personal item. There are numerous emulators & sadly a lot of beautiful timber is still being used. My objections can easily be categorised into two chapters: 1. I don’t enjoy the thought of half-a-forest having to be destroyed to build a Rancho, & 2. Having ‘inherited’ one, I don’t enjoy the permanent Termite-War one needs to fight, because – just in case you’re not aware of it – Termites (locally known as Comejèn) eat, no – DEVOUR wood! So think about that before being seduced by Rancho-type architecture. Friends of mine now do a Rancho, but use concrete & metal materials & you’d never know the difference, but termites go some place else, where there’s wood!

e. BEACHES: in Venezuela are public (some VERY much so!) & according to a recent Law even the land up to 80m inland from the sea cannot be considered 'private'! So beware of buying Beach Property, however romantic that notion & tempting. There are NO private beaches! The other pain about living close to a beach is the noise & the traffic, both human & vehicular, especially during vacation periods & week-ends. Did you really bargain on living in the midst of a permanent Carnival! After 20 years on this beautiful island, I still don’t understand why some people come to a pristine beach on a Sunday morning, carrying their mega-cooler filled with an ample supply of Beer, Rum, Scotch (ever fewer the latter due to 'inflationary pressures') & I mean a supply large enough to cater for half the beach.. It seems some people’s idea of ‘a great day on the beach’, is to aim for the Guinness Book, (popular publication around here!) by consuming every last drop of booze available within a few miles. This is usually followed, a. by leaving the empty bottles along-side assorted plastic crap precisely where they had found a reasonably clean spot that morning….and b.by attempting the drive home. IF they’d use breath-tests in Venezuela on a Sunday afternoon on roads leading back from some of the populist beaches…entire football stadia would be needed….But this is an avoidable situation! Living here as an expat, should also mean you can pick & choose better moments for beach enjoyment!

f. THE OCEAN: The Caribbean Sea is very beautiful most of the time! Does one really want a house ON the ocean though? Oceans have split-personalities, with dramatic changes in character & with some regularity?! You have been warned…

g. CONDOS: Practical! No doubt about it - you turn a key & go somewhere. That simple. Make sure you buy one, if you do, with an unobstructed view & by that I mean somewhere they’re not likely to build another Condo right between you & your favourite ocean view! Also beware of very large Condos, where lots of people will have lots of birthday celebrations & celebrations for whatever reason, all of the time. Venezuela is not known for its strictness in observing nor enforcing your much-needed or desired sleep!! I remember one notorious Disco in downtown Porlamar which almost drove the entire neighborhood to emulate the Lemmings. The owners cared as little as local officials were kept happy with free booze. That disco, happily long gone, was owned by a couple of expat citizens….Fine upstanding examples of ‘1st World Culture’! Another consideration about sharing a Condo (of any size) is how marauding kids will take over the pool & common areas during vacation times. (Around 5 months of the year!). Invest in a good pair of earplugs, 'cause locals simply adore their kids......

h. BUYING INTO PROJECTS: Unless you get a sworn warranty signed by the Pope, to the effect your home within that wonderful-looking mock-up of what-will-one-day be the greatest place on Earth to live in, will be ready & completed by such ‘n such a date, I would advise this: GO SOME PLACE ELSE!! They’ll ask you for a 50% down! It means they hope to build your house plus everything else included with YOUR money & other fools like you. But even if that were acceptable, since the place really looks divine & the guys 'n gals are good-looking & simpatico…chances are they’re not going to deliver on time. In fact I’ll bet you it will take another year or two or three, even IF they perform! Another scenario could be that YOUR place maybe ‘ready to move into’, but what about about the other 66 houses still being built? Did you really want to spend the rest of your days living on a building site??Thousands of migrant workers have flocked to the island in recent years, attracted by the building boom obviously. Coincidentally crime has also risen! Could it be that some of these find it easier to rob than do an honest day's work? Also of course they often have plenty of opportunity to observe & 'inventory' new residents' homes & study their habits. Avoid moving into unfinished developments, or places where people are likely to own plots where they'll show up one day & commence building

i. CONTRACTORS: Of any sort! Builder, plumbers, electricians, computer specialists, whatever – Never pay 50% UP-FRONT for anything! At best it’ll take them 3 times as long to comply, & possibly they’ll lose it all at Saturdays cock-fights, & so the ‘materials’ they said they’d need it for can’t be bought. Two things may happen: 1. they’ll find another idiot for another 50% & may just buy your stuff or 2. they’ll emigrate….to Coche Island or perhaps Tobago (but less likely)! There are of course great contractors, honest & straight. So tell him, fine, we’ll go & buy the materials TOGETHER Monday morning preferably! After that, with the materials safely in YOUR possession, offer to pay-as-work.progresses, ok, everyone happy at the end of the day!

j. GRID-POWER: Enthralled by the breathtaking views from that 15th floor balcony? Bound to be. Hope you’re under 25 & a top athlete though, ideally a triathlon sub-champion; for when the power supply cuts off, you know what you’ll need to do. With any luck you did your month’s shopping the day before! Power-outages are ever more frequent, as more people move in, the system becomes a trifle overloaded. Unless you have a solar array, you’ll also have to get used to your favourite movie interrupted just as the plot begins to unravel. Sadly few people even think ‘solar’ here, where there are ideal conditions.

k. H 2 O: The water supply is becoming a problem on Margarita. Most piped water comes from the mainland via a pipeline (strange!). The pipeline corrodes & not enough gets through or there simply is not enough to go around. Condo dwellers especially are often reduced to bathing Parisian style, with a few egg-cups of the liquid, hardly enough to get the soap off. Water may be pumped for a full 15 minutes each morning, & that could be it for day. The higher-up you live in a Condo, or on an upward slope, the longer it will take to reach you, & the sooner it will desert you - Law of Gravity! So a family of 4 will have to figure out a very efficient system for hygiene, or live in a state of war-like readiness for the 0715 hell-for-leather scramble & communal showers.. ….Private homes often get their water supply now by contracting water-tankers, 10000L for around $50! Ideally you should dig your own well!

l. LE GARBAGE: (pronounced as in le garbàge! In Paris – La basura in Spanish!) Popular Island, insufficient services, that goes for the uncollected basura often strewn all over the place. Keeps the stray cats & dogs busy, breeds flies & desease & spoils otherwise pictureque scenery. Yet locals are very cleanly folks, their houses, however humble, spotless. It’s just the refuse!! Few bother to even think about adequate disposal, & collection ‘services’ are a trifle too carefree, not to say careless!!

m. VILLAGE LIFE: If you’re enchanted with small town or local village life, buy a pretty house close to the local Plaza Bolivar, or wherever; you may also need to soundproof your new abode. Plazas are popular spots for a myriad of celebrations, not just the Libertador’s Birthday, once a year but all national & local holidays & festivities. Perhaps you’ll enjoy the atmosphere, but soundproof anyhow, just in case you suffer a migraine attack on a Good Friday….

n. PERSONAL SAFETY (your butt!) It’s hard to over-state the need for intelligent choices when it comes to chosing a place to live, House or Condo. Though no-where near as hairy as the mainland, there have been some serious incidents even on this island. I know of one expat who built his dream abode only to be held-up at gun-point thrice & receiving uninvited visitors on another 2-3 occasions. Only then, having shared his valuable collection of time-pieces with ‘the people’, did he take appropriate measures, like getting a couple of dissuasive canines. When we lived in Town, ours was one of the few homes never receiving uninvited guests. Why? 3 Doberman & a flood-lights system to turn the whole area into a nightime Yankee-Stadium at the flick of a switch (next to my pillow).

o. ACTIVITIES & PERSONAL SAFETY: (your butt again!) When we first moved to Margarita, 20 years ago – we would head for the remotest beach in Macanao, spend all day there enjoying Caribbean magic – and almost never meeting another soul. Security was hardly an issue. Locals speak nostalgically of how the island didn’t even have a Jail, ‘back then’…..That is no longer the case! They both have & need Jails now-a-days! Going on your own to far-off solitary beaches can still be done, but not entirely ‘on one’s own’…take a Pitbull with you, or better still a pair! When exploring, never take more cash than you may really need, take color copies of your IDs, wear the cheapest watch imaginable or none at all & avoid carrying Credit Cards unless going to the Sambil on a shopping spree & try to ensure they're not 'cloned' whilst going through the emotions of having acquired something very lovely at a 'fraction' of its price in Monte Carlo.. Going to case the local Fort or promenade around the Plaza? Same applies & keep your wits about you. It’s always best to explore in the company of others, safety in numbers, remember.

p. NITE-LIFE: There’s certainly no shortage of places to go in the evening, Casinos, Sushi Bars, good Restaurants, Cultural activities, the Sambil – Everyone goes to Sambil day & evening, there are coffee bars, drinking & eating places, both good, average & awful, - lots of 1st.World stores (big thrill!), but most folks just go there for a stroll or an icecream. At least it’s safe inside the mall, but I have heard of people (gringos, but not exclusively!) followed after visiting one of several Banks conveniently located there! Be alert! Check on people loafing about & a car or motorbike following you home! Don’t recommend either sitting on that lonely beach at night waiting for the full moon or the Southern Cross to appear. Best to do it from the safety of your own grounds or Terrace.

q. SAFETY AT HOME: (yours & your family’s butts) Don’t want to share your house with vicious Tigers or Crocs? You’ll need to move into a secure, gated & protected complex, preferably as far as possible from low-cost urban areas, I’m afraid to say. I learned of one instance where a person had no fewer than 5 Doberman, but was still viciously assaulted by human-kind. Why? Because he only set them free at night & the assault happened at 11 a.m……Some security this guy had worked out for himself! As a general rule I would recommend creating your very private paradise within & around your own abode. No need for paranoia, but limit your night-time outings somewhat. There is not much police presence here at night & I hear of ever-more cars being ‘borrowed’ while their owners are enjoying an evening dinner by candle-light. At least take the Pitbull along, ok! I mean he’ll keep an eye out for your motor…Do leave some window space for the poor bugger to breathe, right!

r. PERSONAL PROFILE: Keep a low, low profile ok! No need to buy a silver-colour Merc or convertible Beeer here. You’re safer in a Used, 10-years old Toyota with a few scratches & knocks. Sell your Rolex before you move here & that goes for all 5-karat-plus Diamonds, Rubies, Emeralds as well as gold coins & assorted neck-décor!! For Christ’s sake don’t walk around Margarita like a Christmas tree. Need more personal & specific advice on this subject? Simply e-mail me at Bonded4@gmail.com

TO CONCLUDE: This is a great place to live, don’t get me wrong please! I’ve been here (in the island) for over 20 years & I wouldn’t go anywhere else!! But in 20 years one can (should) learn a thing or two. My car was burgled once, about a month after arrival, still starry-eyed & believing myself in Paradise among all the angels. That is not the case, this ain't 'Paradise'! I was never burgled again! I learn reasonably fast…. & truly up until the time of writing I have not had any other type of security problem of that nature. But I do take precautions! Sadly, I have heard of others having a variety of problems from the minor to the serious & everywhere in between. The secret then, apart from an element of luck I suppose, is to know & to understand local reality & how to live successfully within that reality. Be smart! ASK if not sure…ebooks

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