So, you’re planning to go on a vacation together, but there’s one little problem – your relationship isn’t going through the best times. Psychologists say that a lot of couples plan a joint trip only to defuse the situation. However, in most cases, everything is quite the opposite: a journey can completely ruin even a relatively stable relationship. In fact, many divorces occur just after a joint trip.
If you think that a romantic getaway in Venice will reignite your feelings, we have bad news for you. The things between you won’t get better. They’ll even get worse. Apart from domestic conflicts, you’ll face the bitterness of a spoiled vacation and even greater rejection from your partner. Despite the seriousness of the problem, you’re ready to go relaxing on the beach or conquering the mountain slopes with a partner you have a lot of claims to. Yes, the atmosphere is different from that at home, but both of you are still the same. Do you think that this idea is bad?
Why a Joint Trip Spoils the Relationship
Vacation is a real test for marriage. That’s right, marriage and not a happy and sincere family partnership. The way you interact with each other changes for the worse. Your behavior in everyday life is often quite familiar and automatic. You don’t get that many fights, as you don’t devote much time to each other. Sure, you interact every day, but one of you is constantly busy with house chores and kids, while the other either watches TV, is busy at work until midnight, or there’s some other scenario.
During the trip, the partners are left alone with their problems. They can’t hide from them at work or in the laundry. Everything is on the surface, including claims, grievances, deceived expectations, and so on. Fights occur because of some minor thing, but it’s a huge unmet need for peace of mind behind them.
And what do you expect from your trip? Maybe you can wait for a joint vacation to begin working on improving the relationship with your partner, while your partner can’t wait for this trip to take a break from work and endless talks about this relationship.
Tell yourself, why are you going on vacation? To rest, gain strength, or find inner harmony and tranquility? Or to build the relationship (which is a quite energy-consuming work, by the way)? Are you planning to use the long-awaited vacation to get away from solving the problem? Do you want to turn your back on it, bury your head in the sand, and imagine that the problem doesn’t exist? If you can honestly answer all these questions, then this will save you from disappointment. In the meantime, here’s how you can prevent fights during the trip.
Clearly Set the Goals of Your Vacation
Both spouses often see the purpose of their journey differently. That’s why it’s better to discuss them in advance so that later you don’t get disappointed. Here’s what can happen if your expectations don’t match: imagine that you haven’t agreed in advance what your goals are. Your partner hopes to turn the vacation into a honeymoon, while you just want to hang out with new people or go sightseeing. In this case, fights can’t be avoided. Be ready to compromise or on a trip separately.
Here are a few examples of joint goals:
– Remove the stress that has accumulated at work. You can do this by lying on the beach, visiting the spa, reading books all day long, drinking wine every day, and enjoying gastronomic delights all-inclusive plan offers, playing sports, etc.
– Gain new impressions, learn new things, or visit all the sights.
– Get acquainted with new people, spend a holiday in cheerful company, visit bars, restaurants, and so on.
– Experience extreme sensations (conquering the mountain, rafting, surfing, etc.).
Different goals prevent you from enjoying the rest. If one of the spouses wants to go mountain climbing or fishing, and the second partner prefers beaches and shopping, then they should rest separately, as a compromise is impossible here.
Leave Those Difficult Conversations for Later
Unfortunately, if you go on separate trips, you risk facing jealousy. This often happens with younger women dating older men or people, who had to face cheating before. Therefore, if you (or your loved one) are pathologically jealous, or you don’t want to go on a trip alone, or you can’t afford two different trips at the same time, listen to the psychologists’ advice. Leave serious talks for later, and do not turn the vacation into hell.
There’s another way out though. You can go on a trip with your friends. This will save it from boredom and unwanted fights. Active rest, in this case, is better than passive. Hiking, sightseeing, and entertainment will give you both positive emotions and common goals. The main thing here is not to look at each other but in one direction. If there’s a joint hobby, it will strengthen your relationship.
Fight for Your Love
However, psychologists still can’t agree on whether to postpone the conflict, ignore it, or actively fight for your feelings. Even if you manage to combine the incompatible and enjoy the rest, having improved the relationship at the same time, then upon return the aftertaste of this trip will unlikely to be long and pleasant. The relationship requires development, and it doesn’t matter in which way. By “preserving” it in a jar labeled “Bali” or “Thailand,” you deprive it of the natural process. Perhaps you’ll prolong its existence, but you can’t enjoy the true taste and bright bouquet of genuine feelings.
Here are a couple of questions to answer before a trip:
– Think of which of your needs aren’t satisfied in the relationship. Maybe this vacation is an opportunity to discuss everything calmly, with love and desire to make things right?
– What is the purpose of your marriage? And what about this trip? How would you like to spend your holiday?
– How exactly can you make your vacation ideal for you and your partner?
Begin making every moment of your vacation joyful and happy! Catch every second and look for the pros. If the quarrel is at the door, stop it with love. Replace mutual claims with a kiss or hug. This is a non-standard approach, but it works fine. Let your journey be bright and full of emotions.