Honestly? I’d rather read about the ‘must sees’ in a book. The trip in itself (getting from A to B) can be exhausting enough. Once you’ve saved your hard earned pennies and counted down the days, the last thing you’ll want to do is play tourist for any extended period of time.

Admittedly, I’m not that much of an adventure seeker, preferring low-key exploits like learning about the culture, spying on the locals and tasting the atmosphere. Some days I don’t feel like doing much at all. When staring into space, the sun or the sea is all that’s required. 

Fabrice (see part 1 and part 2) often looks half asleep, like a fish drifting downstream. When I ask him what’s going on upstairs, there’s usually not much.  Not that he’s vague or vacant, just that he’s always been good at being like that, preferring to take things in his stride. He doesn’t get caught up in the details and he doesn’t plan too far ahead. I think there’s a lesson there somewhere. Ok, I’m getting to the point here.  The point is Boracay – a one-size-fits-all island, perfect for partying, detoxing from life and/or recovering from a seemingly endless flu.

Boracay is one of those places you can’t help but fall in love with. Clear, azure waters, wide stretches of powdery white sand, shady palms, lazy afternoons and sunsets that make everything fall into place. The butterfly-shaped, picture postcard isle, sits at the northern tip of Panay Island in the Philippines and despite the tourist amenities along the beach, the place reads like romantic fiction.

Surrounded by tropical flora, fauna, numerous fish species (including a rare French species called Fabrice), large caves and coral reefs, the 7km x 1km Island is ideal if you’re looking for the best of both worlds. Relax and soak up the sun or enjoy more energetic pursuits such as windsurfing, diving, snorkeling, water skiing and jet skiing (if you must). 

The beaches of Boracay are what lure most travelers to this remote paradise. Renowned as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, the popular ‘White Beach’ is the archetype of tropical splendour and though tourists overrun it, it doesn’t disappoint.

If you’re after a slower pace, there are plenty of other fine beaches at the deserted north and south end of the island where you can swim and snorkel to your hearts content in total isolation. Here’s a sample:

Bulagog Beach – quiet and protected by a coral reef andjust a short walk from white beach. It’s on the other side of the island and popular with windsurfing and kite boarding enthusiasts.

Panoly Beach -Sail there and take a picnic. There’s only one hotel (and unfortunately another in the planning) on this gorgeous stretch, which is why prices are outrageous, so make sure to bring your own treats.

Barazula Beach -Tiny hideaway on south end of island and great for snorkelling. No facilities and nothing to buy. Bring all your own stuff and don’t forget to take your rubbish with you when you leave.

Baling Hai Beach – Sail to this secludedprivate beach for the day or stay at the Resort where you’ll feel as though you’ve unearthed an exclusive paradise that’s peaceful as well as cheap.

Off course, it goes without saying that I sniffed out some extra-special addresses for you.  Good thing is, I have no affiliations with any of them. For this reason, I’m free as a bird when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of recommendations. That being so, I’m also poor.  Hence, if we ever meet, just buy me a cocktail and we’ll call it evens.

Best Local Stress Buster

Being a fair judge of a good massage, I feel compelled to mention the following: Do not waste your time and money on the nice ladies on the beach (roaming freelance masseuses).How do I know this? The second I got off the boat, I got stuck with one who used some good old coconut oil (as opposed to mineral oil pore blockers) but neglected to wipe the sand off her hands before doing so, which meant my massage became a sort of simultaneous skin scrub, which in turn became highly annoying and far from being the relaxing experience I was desperate for. On the day, I didn’t have the heart or the energy for assertiveness and so endured the entire hour, which was beginning to feel like a self-inflicted torture session. 

If you’re looking for a decent massage, be it Swedish, Acupressure or Shiatsu, you need to visit Abe (pronounced Abby) a blind masseur who operates outside Cocoloco restaurant in Angol (south of boat station 3). At only P300 per hour (less than $7) you’ll reemerge a new person. Better still, at those prices, see him every day and ad years to your life.

Second best Stress Buster

‘Nigi Nigi Nu Noos Bar’ – Relaxing here with a 2 for 1 cocktail during happy hour (5-7pm) will guarantee you’ll forget all about your mosquito bites and sun-scorched skin. In fact, they should give you a free drink if you can pronounce the name of the bar by the end of the evening. That’s not an option, just an idea, but hey, make the offer and give it your best shot. If you’re not in the mood for socializing, grab a seat on the beach, eat some dinner and watch the sun go away. Or else, gather around the fabulous circular bar and meet/watch some amusing rock and roll types. 

Unfortunately, the fish and I spent way too much time loitering around that bar (no surprises there). But as I write this, I feel torn because I’m not sure I should be endorsing their long island iced teas served in giant goldfish bowls. Surely you’re old enough to make up your own mind… but just in case you need to hear some down-to-earth wisdom, here’s the tip of the day: share the cocktail. If you have one by yourself, I won’t be held responsible.

Why do I say this? I once made the mistake of guzzling one all by myself (only child), after which I became so witty and charming, I received a marriage proposal from 3 Spaniards and an Italian while my husband was standing next to me. I soon got bored with the Latin Lotharios (believe it or not) and made friends with an Australian couple (convinced that the woman was my spiritual mother). I then came second in a nearby dancing competition that was filmed and broadcast nationally. To this day, I have no detailed recollection of either of these events, but I still have the pink pair of rubber flip flops and sun lotion I won as my prize for coming 2nd. Oh, yeah, just in case you’re wondering… Nigi Nigi Nu Noos’ burger and fries is not a bad option for breakfast.

Food, glorious food

As far as you palate is concerned, you’re guaranteed to find something to suit all budgets. Choose from fresh seafood, such as live clams, oysters and crabs. Lobster, squid, and mussels served with a dollop of butter and grated cheese. Grilled blue marlin, stuffed squid, restaurants, barbecue stalls, fancy mango and peach crepes. I even found good coffee! If you want to eat where the locals eat, look for the places with zero to no décor. They’re hot as a sauna but cheap and good.

‘Tree house’ beach resort and bar

Tucked away and perched high in a tree, one of the best restaurants on the island lives around 15 meters from Angol Beach (our temporary home). With billowy cushions and soft candlelight, it was the perfect choice for hungry but too-lazy-to-go-anywhere nights. Far removed from the hustle and bustle, it’s also the ideal place to relax and savor some delicious homemade pizza and pasta. I know what you’re thinking ‘why eat Italian on a Philippine island’, right?  I get it, but I’m only human. And sometimes I like to mix it up a little. Try the garlic bread and bruschetta. 

Staying in for the evening and people spying from the privacy of one’s terrace calls for something different altogether. Heidiland delicatessen offers selective wines from France, Australia, Italy, Spain and South Africa. Imported meats, sausages, olives and cheeses from all over the world as well as freshly baked European breads. You’ll find it at the DMall open-air shopping strip. 

While you’re in the area, get your haircut. For a couple of bucks, Fabrice got pampered for more than an hour, including a head and ear massage, neck and shoulder rub, hair cut, stray hair trims, feather plucks, and who knows what, but he came out a changed man and swears it’s the best hair experience anybody will ever have. The barbershop is tucked away in the fruit and veggie market behind DMall. 

If you want a ‘true’ ocean front bungalow in Boracay for a fraction of the price you’d pay at a full-blown hideous resort, here’s your answer. For my part, I need a home away from home. Never expensive but comfortable. It can be simple. Simple is good. But I can’t live on top of other people. I refuse to travel half way around the globe to a tropical island and not stay on the beach.  To stay in some pokey place with no view would never cut it. And as some wise person once said… life is far too short. You can’t always be outdoors doing stuff.  Sometimes, you need to retreat.  If you ask me, I’d rather pay a little extra to stay in a cozy place and eat rice for dinner.

‘Angol Point Boracay Resort’ is a 2-minute walk south of boat station 3,which is the cheapest part of the island and ironically the best.

The resort offers spacious, native style bamboo cottages with thatched roofs and wooden floors set in a peaceful tropical garden. From memory, there are 6 huts priced at around 2750 PHP per night, ($60).

The cottages are unique in design. Eco-simplicity at its best.There’s no air-conditioning or TV in rooms, no modern conveniences. There are private bathrooms but no hot water. There are fans but no mosquito nets (best to BYO the nets). Probably doesn’t sound like much of a deal because the cottages area little pricier than some other places with more amenities, but it depends on what you’re looking for. In my opinion they’re a winner on location alone.

What Else? A ‘welcome’ drink of fresh young coconut juice brought on a tray with a hibiscus flower Clean, crisp bed linen changed daily No pesky vendors You can watch the sunset from your terrace Busy nightlife and amenities only a 10 minute walk The only ‘true’ ocean front bungalows left in Boracay (beach is a few footsteps away) Eco-living bamboo huts Plenty of privacy and space (who wants to go to a romantic island and feel crowded?) Each morning, we found complimentary tea and coffee waiting on our terrace in thermos flask. Internet café next door Abe (the masseuse) lives close by How to get there: You can fly (short and painless) You can travel overland (not as painless, but the payoff is traveling through endless lush scenery, tropical forest and pineapple fields). From Puerto Galera, take the 5am Jeepney to Roxas (5 or 6 hour trip). Then a 5-hour ferry from Roxas to Caticlan (bring supplies because there’s nothing but 2-minute noodles and instant coffee on the boat). From Caticlan it’s a 15-minute bangka ride to Boracay.

Finally, if you can’t tear yourself away from the place, visa extensions are available on the island! It’s a piece of cake. See you next issue: Part 4 of ‘the quest for an island Paradise’ - Paradise Found Articles & Photographs By Tanja Bulatovic