After 10 days providing snack food for the fishes, the poet’s body can’t have been a pretty sight. Lord Byron organized a cremation party on the beach. Before the flames took too fierce a hold, he plucked Shelley’s heart from the funeral pyre. His ashes went to be buried in Rome’s Protestant Cemetery, but Mary carried his heart around in a silken shroud until her own death.

And then he fined me!

Although I wouldn’t recommend it, an inexpensive way to get about would be to emulate Lord Byron. Living up to his “mad as a hatter” reputation, he used to swim across the gulf from Portovenere to visit Shelley. 

Ruefully forking out for yet another boat-ride to Monterosso, I felt like a character from Groundhog Day. By now, the village was beginning to feel rather too much like home. Seeing the Santa Margherita train pulling into the station, unable to face another wait, we leapt aboard without tickets. The Capo del Treno happily issued them, but he also fined me for not buying tickets beforehand. A $30 day-trip actually ended up costing $63 apiece. 

Plans often fall by the wayside in chaotic, disorganized Italy. I adore the country, but frustration always hits at some point. Trains and boats are often in ritardo (late). Dishes you never ordered get brought to your table. Bills sometimes get totted up wrongly, direction signs seem designed to lead you astray, and real estate agencies remain mysteriously shut when they should be open. But...you’re in Italy. Plenty of fabulous experiences more than make up for the occasional annoyance.

Riviera of flowers

Stretching each side of the Gulf of Genoa, Liguria neatly divides into two Rivieras. Riviera Ponente runs from the French border to Genoa, Christopher Columbus’ birthplace. It’s also called the Riviera dei Fiori (Riviera of Flowers), because of its cut flower production.

A favorite with Edwardian aristocrats, San Remo is the center of Liguria’s flower industry. Although the town is something of a sprawl nowadays, its worth a stop for its markets, the Pigna quarter’s switchback streets and the curious Russian church near the casino. At the Casabella agency (via Gaudio 31, 18038 San Remo; tel./fax (39)184-502850), I was told apartment properties in new or restored buildings generally fetch $217 to $433 per square foot. The price can drop to $109 per square foot, but that’s for unrestored properties in the Pigna backsteets. And though a house in the hills (1,800 square feet on two levels) near Santa Reparata was $340,400, any seaside villa is a million dollars up. 

Nearer Genoa, the small seaside town of Alassio has the coast’s best sandy beach. Hemingway stayed for a while and was among the first contributors to Alassio’s muretto — a wall emblazoned with ceramic plaques bearing autographs of luminaries from cinema, literature, and sport.

Overall, though, I prefer the Riviera Levante. Looping east of Genoa past the Cinque Terre and the Gulf of Poets, it’s wilder and more scenic. Towns like Portovenere or Santa Margherita Ligure (where I stayed) make good exploration bases. And you can visit parts of Tuscany on day-trips. From Santa Margherita, it’s only a couple of hours to Pisa. Even Florence is possible with an early start. 

Oddly soulless

Almost everybody has heard of the so-called “jet-set playground” of Portofino. On a pine-clad promontory, this Riviera Levante village is achingly picturesque — a postcard of pink and primrose houses set off by dark green window shutters...a hilltop castle...a sweet little harbor. 

But if you get a sense of dissatisfaction, you’re not alone. Although the setting is dazzling, Portofino feels oddly soulless. For goodness sake...outlets for Gucci and Hermes don’t normally feature in Italian fishing villages. As for the “beautiful people” who supposedly hang out here, don’t expect too much. Whatever it was like in previous decades, the pricey café-bars are now filled with assorted Eurotrash wearing too much jewelry and day-trippers grumbling about paying $3.50 for an espresso. 

For the locals

East of Portofino, on Tigullio Bay, Santa Margherita Ligure attracts mostly Italian visitors. A pretty resort, it has managed to stay low-key. Seeing gorgeous villas along the esplanade, I put my Italian into practice and stopped in at an estate agency to ask about prices. (AR92 Agenzia Immobiliare, Largo Giusti 13, 16038 S. Margerita Ligure, tel. (39)185-290-331; fax (39)185-290-163; e-mail: info@ar92.com.)

Santo Cielo! At least a million dollars for a 1,500-square-foot house in the hills with a small garden and no swimming pool. Front-line beach apartments cost $760 to $870 per square foot. Prices are lower in town, but you’re still talking $440 to $550 per square foot for properties five minutes from Santa Margherita’s center. Ten minutes away, the average is $220 to $330 per square foot. 

But at least the food is affordable. For around $8, most places offer the local pasta specialty — trofie. These ribbon-like strips are served with home-made pesto — an emerald green sauce of basil, pine-nuts, garlic, olive oil, and pecorino cheese. Under arcades opposite the harbor, a fish market supplies restaurants with piscine delights. You can also have pasta con vongole (with clams) or con cozze (with mussels). Fritto misto is a mixture of sardines, shrimp, and deep-fried squid rings; branzino is sea bass, often baked in sea salt...and don’t miss the ravioli stuffed with chopped fish. 

Returning from day trips, it was fun joining the passegiata (the evening walk about). And, of course, having a campari or a fancy cocktail—Italy is as much about the dolce vita as heavy culture. In every bar, snacks come with the pre-dinner aperitifs. You might get bread sticks... olives... celery and carrot sticks... slices of salami... chips. Zinco Bar also tempts patrons with small glass bowls of strawberries, pineapple, and melon. 

For dinner, Trattoria la Cambusa has good food and a grandstand location. Although it’s on via Bottaro behind the seafront, its upper terrace is an open-air verandah overlooking the sea. Clams cooked in pine nuts and olives ($11) are excellent and so is the fillet of sole ($22). I couldn’t manage dessert, but the fresh raspberries and ice-cream looked scrumptious. Wine is reasonable: $12.30 for a bottle of Bardolino. 

When we ordered digestifs, the waiter got it into his head we were grappa queens. He brought a tray containing eight different bottles. Grappa is Italian firewater, a clear liquid produced from grape skins. Mags thought the variety called diec’otto lune (18 moons) was “dog rough,” but it slipped down my throat easily enough.

Tuscany’s secret

During my visit to Liguria, I made a side-trip into neighboring Tuscany. Not to the countryside around Florence and Siena (where even heaps of rubble cost $250,000 and more), but to Lunigiana. This almost unknown sliver of idyllic Tuscan countryside is in the region’s north-westernmost tip, about an hour from Pisa airport. 

Lunigiana translates as “the land of the moon,” but there’s nothing lunar about its rolling hills, river valleys, and forests of pine and chestnut. Anything less like a barren moonscape is hard to imagine. Fact is, the area takes its name from the old Roman port settlement of Luni. Arriving at the mouth of the river Magra, seeing a city of white marble, Norman invaders believed Luni to be Rome itself — and subsequently set about destroying it.

Although Tuscany is one of Italy’s most explored regions, few foreigners know of Lunigiana — yet. Even fewer have discovered its castles, country churches, and clusters of walled villages. But I guess it’s only a matter of time before word gets out that small stone-built houses in habitable condition still pop up in these villages for $47,000 to $59,000.

While you’d probably spend another $35,000 on modernizing a typical $59,000 village house (plumbing and electrical are unlikely to meet the average buyer’s approval), I must emphasize these houses have not fallen into rack-and-ruin. They’re sound little homes, not wrecks. And other types of properties — farmhouses, shepherd’s cottages, villas, even castles — are equally good value.

Although Lunigiana has the hallmarks of a secret land, it isn’t remote. It took me only half an hour to get here by train from the Ligurian seaport city and naval base of La Spezia. And La Spezia itself is only a hop, skip, and a jump away from Ligurian beauty spots such as the Gulf of Poets and the Cinque Terre. Owning a home in this corner of Tuscany means seaside pleasures are practically on the doorstep...but you’re not penalized by coastal prices. 

Screaming bargains

Right now, in fact, Lunigiana offers an incredible array of bargains that disappeared elsewhere in Tuscany decades ago. Attractive village houses in good condition are plentifully available for $105,650 to $176,000. If you follow Italian real estate, you’ll know there are no worrying fluctuations in the Tuscan property market — prices continue going up and up and up.

Realtor Lois Allan of L’Architrave Immobiliare showed me a screaming bargain — a restored stone house (1,250 square feet) with a courtyard on via del Sale, the borgo of Tavernelle village. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and fitted kitchen with terracotta tiled floors. A real 16th-century beauty. The price is but $141,000, and you could move straight in. 

I was confused by the term borgo. It usually refers to a remote hamlet of half a dozen ancient houses attached to an equally ancient manor. These borgos are often sold as job lots. However, in this part of Tuscany, borgo can also mean a village’s original medieval center. 

Lois took me down a path to see the stream where village women washed their laundry until only a few years ago. Views of the Apennine mountains’ marble outcrops glittering in the sunlight...ramblers’ paths through the chestnut woods leading into the next valley...the trilling song of crickets…

But no time to linger. We continued farther up the Taverone Valley, past rock pools and waterfalls, to see another house at Catognano. Another village with a borgo — one you enter through a tunneled out rock passageway. Priced at $108,000, the house I saw here was around 1,400 square feet and had a decent roof, beamed ceilings, and great views down the wooded valley. Although I could easily picture myself living here in cobwebby seclusion, an American buyer will probably want to do something about its distinctly old-fashioned air. (Not cute old-fashioned, but the kind of old-fashioned that translates into cracked linoleum on the floor.) 

Tuscan castle for $400,000

Lunigiana’s other tag is “the land of one hundred castles.” I was thrilled to learn Lois has a castle on her books — and even more thrilled to hear it could be yours for $400,000. Again, it’s no wreck. The old lady owner is only now in the process of moving out.

With eight habitable rooms downstairs, and the possibility of creating another 15 rooms on its upper floor, the back of the castle dates from the 13th century and the front from the 16th century. It’s on the main square of a village called Licciana Nardi. Next door is the church — and although it’s now blocked off, an enclosed bridge-like passageway once connected the two buildings. “The ladies never had to get their feet wet when they were going to Mass,” said Lois.

Although no demesne comes with the castle, a small half-acre vineyard is included in the price. However, it needs stressing that Disney-fied towers and turrets aren’t normally a feature of Italian castles. Certainly in this region, castles have a more austere, fortress-like feel. They were constructed to suggest brute strength and power. Aesthetic beauty didn’t figure in the plans.

But the average tourist goes orgasmic at the idea of spending a few nights in any kind of castle. Licciana Nardi’s mayor is hoping the castle’s new buyer will turn it into a small hotel. According to Lois, planning permission to run it as a business is most unlikely to be a problem. 

The rules of a green zone

Lunigiana is designated as a green-zone, which means building regulations are tough. For example, you cannot knock down a single-story stone farmhouse and build a three-story modern villa on the site. Nor can you transform a shepherd’s cottage into something more suited to the lord of the manor. 

However, if you buy a property with land attached, there doesn’t seem to be any difficulty getting permission for a swimming pool—starting price is $18,000 for a small one. Still, despite the land and building issues, I think the investment potential here is outstanding. You won’t get an address anywhere else in Tuscany for these prices. 

Local knowledge

Having tramped all over Italy in the past three years, I think L’Architrave agency is a real find. Most of its staff speaks English—language is often a problem here—and can guide you through every stage of the purchase. They have their own architects as well as builders and craftsmen they work with regularly. 

Lois Allan is English but moved to this part of Italy when she was 10 weeks old. She has worked in Italian real estate for 25 years and has professional Italian qualifications. This is not always the case with expat agents in Tuscany—I’ve encountered some agents out there you shouldn’t touch with the proverbial bargepole. 

L’Architrave also offers a management service if you’re not planning on living in a property full-time. They can arrange for bills to be paid, repairs to be carried out, pool and garden maintenance, etc. 

Immobiliare L'Architrave - (Lois Allan) Via Montebello 20, Licciana Nardi 54016 (MS) Tuscany, Italy Tel: +39 0187 475543
Website: www.larchitrave.com - E-mail: info@larchitrave.com -

(The nearest railway station is Aulla, 8 miles from the villages of Monti and Licciana Nardi.)